The cockroach in my coffee

The cockroach in my coffee

by | Self-Actualization | 0 comments

My morning ritual is sacred… Calm. Quiet. Uncomplicated.

I wake early, consciously create my day and enjoy my coffee. It’s a slow, clean entry into the day. A space that belongs to no one but me. My energy is fresh. My mind is clear. This is when I feel most myself.

So when I heard a soft plop while sipping my coffee and turned toward the mug, the last thing I expected to see was a cockroach floating to the surface of my coffee. Yes, a live one. Floating to the surface. Swimming.

For a moment, my brain froze. Logic scrambled to make sense of what I was seeing. Had it been in there the whole time? Did I almost drink that? I replayed the sound, the moment it landed. I remembered lowering the cup just seconds before. How the hell did it get in there?

And then came the internal wave: revulsion, disbelief, a loud exclamation “WTF!”, followed by the strange calm that often lands just behind the initial jolt and scattered thoughts. Relief it hadn’t fallen on me. Gratitude that I’d heard it land. Curiosity at the sheer weirdness of the moment.

I stood up, walked to the kitchen, and poured the entire mug out the window into the garden. Maybe the cockroach would survive. I wasn’t going to kill it… not today. I even said aloud, “Disgusting,” but not in rage. More like naming what just happened with the dry comedy of a seasoned mystic. Then I made another cup of coffee.

Here’s the thing. I grew up in Africa. I’m used to insects, snakes, and all kinds of wild, scary creatures. I’ve had real survival instincts trained into my nervous system. I don’t have a phobia around bugs — I know how to deal with them. But cockroaches!

They’re my personal heebie-jeebie trigger. I really don’t like them. Something about their scuttling defiance activates a very specific repulsion in my body. And yet, despite encountering plenty of them in my life, never — not once — had one landed in my coffee.

Which is why what struck me most that morning wasn’t disgust, or panic. It was precision.

That exact timing. That exact plop. Not a second earlier. Not after I’d taken a sip. But right before. When I could still hear it, see it, and trust myself to choose my next move. It felt like life showing me, yet again, that there’s no need to spiral if you’re fully here.

This is what living in Free Presence actually looks like. Not bypassing what’s gross or shocking. But also not letting it overtake the nervous system.

I didn’t panic. I didn’t scream. I didn’t go into blame or shame. I didn’t wonder, “Why do such weird things happen to me?” Because they don’t. They happen with me.

Nothing bad had actually occurred. I was safe. I hadn’t swallowed anything. I took the right next step — and even gave the cockroach a second chance.

Normally, it wouldn’t survive… But this time, something in me paused. Let go. Moved on.

It’s such a small thing — a cockroach in a cup of coffee… And yet, how many times would it have caused someone to freak out, collapse, made it mean something about them or the day ahead?

These are the kinds of moments that can add magic. The strange ones. The everyday edges where we get to choose who we are, again and again.

But mostly, I’m just really, really glad and greatful that I was aware enough to hear the plop.

How Complaining Steals Your Happiness

How Complaining Steals Your Happiness

by | Abundance, Alternative Therapy, Authentic, Awareness, Body, Choice, Coaching, Consciousness, Embodiment, Inspiration, Intuitive, Law of Attraction, Radio, Self-Actualization, Self-Worth, Spirituality, Uncategorized, Value, Well-Being | 0 comments

No one likes to think of themselves as a complainer, right? I know I didn’t think of myself in this way and yet…

I noticed a few months back that I was feeling very grumpy and I was complaining more than usual. This in itself was fine, up to a point and initially felt good! And then I realized I was sliding into a repetitive rut and that complaining was stealing my enjoyment and ease in life.

 

How did I become aware of this? Well, my mood mostly, and then I started to tune in to my inner self-talk. Always the best way to gauge where I really am. Negative and defeatest self-talk never leads to success if left unadressed and it feels lousy, to say the least. So I addressed it! Firmly and lovingly – with awareness and humour… and shifted to ways to feel grateful instead. Almost immediately, my mood and self-talk became kinder and felt much better.


To be honest, even optimistic and strong people can be vulnerable to complaining. As humans, our emotional make-up is extremely complex and layered. It’s not about getting it all right and never complaining and more about being aware and knowing thyself well. From my experience, there are always signals that begin to show up as indicators of the direction I’m travelling. This is what Carl Jung, the Swiss Psychiatrist coined as ‘shadow work’ required to make the unconscious conscious.

 

The instances that helped me realize what was actually going on, was when I seemed to come across lots of posts on social media, people complaining! What the heck?! Yup, this is how it can show up and if I wasn’t aware and clear on where I want my emotional and mental compass to be, then I could get sucked in.

 

I can clearly remember my sense of affrontment when many years ago my therapist made me aware of the part of me that was the complainer. What, me a complainer!! No WAY…  Yes, indeed WAY! When I was able to see and acknowledge that a part of me felt comfortable complaining, I was able to make an empowered and conscious choice about this behaviour and pattern. I’m always grateful for clarity about myself!

 

Now, complaining is quite a common although disavowed habit, that can negatively impact our emotional well-being, relationships, and even physical health. As a complainer, we don’t always realize that what we are doing is ‘complaining’ and the impact this is having, until we become aware or have someone else point it out to us. This is NOT about judging yourself or others… it’s about awareness, perception and empowerment.

Complaining can also be a psychological defensive mechanism that occurs when we feel powerless to change something and creates a feeling of ambivalence. Beneath this mindset and behavioural pattern lies a wealth of wisdom about yourself, if your willing to dig and be honest with yourself.

 

To help make the unconscious more conscious, here are some ways that complaining can have a limiting impact longer-term:

 

1. Mental Health:

Complaining can lead to lowered mood and symptoms of anxiety, depression, and a negative outlook on life. This makes it harder to cope with stress and life’s challenges.

 

2. Personal Growth:

Continual complaining can hinder personal growth, causing feelings of irritability, frustration, and misplaced anger. This can show up as physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach pains, and a loss of appetite – ways that our body is letting us know that something needs to be addressed, not medicated, as is often the case. Don’t avoid seeking medical attention however to bring peace of mind.

 

3. Personal Relationships:

Most people don’t like hanging out with someone who is constantly complaining. Complaining behaviour can result in isolation and frustration in others, leading to feelings of loneliness and social isolation.

 

4. Lack Mentality:

Complaining robs people of enjoyment and is a sign of a sense of lack mentality.  There’s often a belief of unworthiness that can lead to financial worries and psychological distress.

 

5. Negative Behaviors and Habits:

Complaining can reinforce negative thinking patterns further and prevent individuals from taking action to address their concerns. No one likes to think of themselves as a complainer and this shuts us off from our awareness to when we do complain, making change seem impossible.

 

I’ve mentioned above how I shifted my mood and want to include some alternatives that can help break free from the cycle of complaining:

 

1. Gratitude Attitude:

Shift your focus from negative to positive aspects of life by practicing gratitude. Find anything that you can feel grateful for… and there’s always  at least one thing, in the Present moment! (Read my blog 4 Breakthrough Steps to Gratitude for deeper insights)

 

2. Healthy Expression:

All emotions are messengers and we honour them, yes even the ‘bad’ one when we acknowledge them. We learn to manage our emotions by venting  negative emotions and honouring how we truly feel. Talking about how you feel in a safe and present way is healthy and not complaining.

 

3. Understand that there is a Cost:

Be willing to recognize the link between complaining and the negative impact on mental, emotional, and physical health. If you need a mentor to help you see the bigger picture, take action. I certainly wouldn’t have the abilities I do today on my own, without the mentoring I received.

 

4. Focus on What You Can Control:

Stop complaining about things you can’t change and take action to address concerns within your control. Complaining steals your power, that’s all!

 

5. Set Your Intention:

Challenge yourself to go without complaining for a set period of time. Start small, e.g. one hour at a time. Initially, simply begin to notice where you complain and how you feel in the moment.

 

If you notice yourself complaining, stop and breathe. No judgement. Take back your power by identifying the triggers that lead to complaining and reflect on your emotions, identify the source, notice patterns, ask for feedback, and be present to your words, thoughs, behaviours. By understanding the impact of complaining and taking conscious action to break the habit, you can improve your emotional well-being and overall quality of life.

Will you stop complaining 100%. Maybe… However, if and when you do find yourself complaining – cause you’re Human right – then you will have the knowledge and skills to manage this behaviour efficiently, in a way that empowers you and sets you free from feeling like a victim.

 

Don’t let complaining steal your happiness!

10 Ways to Enhance Well-Being With Mind-Body Awareness

10 Ways to Enhance Well-Being With Mind-Body Awareness

by | Awareness, Balance, Behaviour, Beliefs, Consciousness, Embodiment, Health, How to accept myself for who I am, Mental Health Awareness, Metaphysical, Mindset, Nutrition and Health, Personal Development, Self-Actualization, Well-Being | 0 comments


The concept of the mind-body connection suggests that our feelings, ideas, and beliefs have a significant impact on our physical health and wellbeing, so let’s look at 10 ways to enhance your well-being through mind-body awareness.

For instance, when we feel stressed or nervous, our body reacts by releasing hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, which can raise our blood pressure and heart rate. Chronic stress can have an adverse effect on our physical health over time, increasing the risk of diseases including high blood pressure, heart disease, and obesity.

Mind-body modalities like yoga, tai chi, massage and meditation are useful in stress management and relaxation. These techniques can assist in lowering the body’s stress response and fostering a sense of well-being by emphasising the breath and developing a calm and focused attitude.

Additionally, mind-body techniques can strengthen the immune system, reduce inflammation, and advance the body’s capacity for self-healing.  Regularly engaging in mind-body techniques with more mindfulness can contribute to an enhanced sense of overall wellbeing and a variety of ways.

In my role as a metaphysical bodyworker and intuitive for over 25 years, I’ve been most struck by the lack of mind-body awareness of many. Once this link is set up and cultivated, healing and transformation takes off. So in my opinion, it’s vital to our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being and sense of connection and self-care.

Here are 10 areas that you can begin to focus on and cultivate into your daily self-care programme and to strenghten your mind-body awareness.

  1. Better sleep can help lower stress levels and enhance sleep quality, which in turn improves general health and wellbeing.
  2. Increased physical activity or gentle movement, like yoga or tai chi or walking can be a good and enjoyable approach to up your physical movement levels and enhance your health in general.
  3. Better emotional awareness, can assist people in feeling comfortable in managing their emotions and handling difficult situations more skilfully and confidently, promoting emotional stability and resilience. 
  4. More self-awareness, allows people to become more conscious of their thoughts, feelings, and actions, enabling them to change their life for the better and feel more empowered. 
  5. Greater relaxation, like conscious breathing, massage or acupuncture can aid in promoting relaxation, easing tension in the muscles, and enhancing general health. 
  6. More effective stress management and awareness around emotional triggers can assist people in identifying the physical and emotional symptoms of stress, enabling them to take appropriate action and reduce stress. 
  7. Healthier posture can be achieved through awareness techniques like yoga or Pilates and bodywork like massage that help with posture, which can lessen pain and discomfort in the shoulders, neck, and back. 
  8. Enhanced attention span and concentration, can raise focus and concentration and enhance a feeling of Presence, contributing to raised performance and productivity. 
  9. A stronger immune system, can help lower inflammation and strengthen the body’s natural ability to heal, which can enhance general health and lower the risk of sickness. 
  10. Richer relationships allow for people to become more introspective and empathic, which can improve communication and foster better connections with others.


Overall, integrating mind-body practises into daily life can significantly improve physical health, emotional stability, and overall quality of life. Increased mind-body awareness can help people become more resilient and improve their capacity to handle everyday challenges in holistic and empowering ways.

So which one are you going to attempt or focus on and do you have a favourite?

Let me know by commenting.

Take care of You!

Your Home Is Your Body

Your Home Is Your Body

by | Abundance, Alternative Therapy, Authentic, Awareness, Beauty, Behaviour, Body, Breathing, Cellular Memory, Challenge, Choice, Consciousness, Energy Bodywork, Health, Holistic, I Am, Inspiration, Integration, Intuitive, Joy, Love, Magic, Personal Development, Self-Actualization, Self-Worth, Spirituality, Take action, Thrive, Value, Well-Being | 0 comments

Where do you live and under what conditions? Since the age of 17 I have moved 25 times. I haven’t counted the times I moved prior to 17, but it was a lot. I don’t mind and I guess in some way this nurtured my love for travel. I have also had four major country moves in my life and I look forward to more. One thing I have learned from all this moving around though is that wherever I go, I take myself with me. Despite being in new surroundings after some time, the same old patterns would begin to emerge. Have you had this happen to you?

I am sharing this, because most people think of their home as the physical address where they live. There is a place that you live first and foremost though. Your body! Your first and permanent home, whilst you are alive, is your body. Whilst people take tremendous care of their physical houses and places of residence, most have very little knowledge of their true home – their body.

I know this is why so many give away their power to health professionals who supposedly know more about their home than they do. And this is partially true because we have been led away from our true homes. Everything is within and your access route is via your body.

So as your body is the place that you really live in and with for your whole life, what kind of a home do you want to experience and have? The conditions that you live in and under – with regards to your body – are extremely important as they will impact directly on the quality of your life’s experience.

What if you had a home that is comfortable, that suits you, that supports you, where you can relax, where there is no judgement, where you can truly be you 24/7, where you can connect to health, abundance, love, joy and to your Self, etc.!

I’ve been a metaphysical and holistic practitioner for over 3 decades and I’ve observed how disconnected so many are from their bodies. As long as you are disconnected and not fully present in and with your body, you will not experience being home.

Most people are not even aware that they are in a space of disconnect because our brains have be wired to overlook this information, particularly in this very mental focused world. The mental will always keep you in the mental. Whereas your body will bring you information from your body-mind-soul.

This is the reason that becoming aware of whether, where and how we are connected is, I feel, imperative to us finally experiencing the lives we say we desire. This is the Vision I hold because it has been my life’s experience.

For many years I looked outside of myself for a sense of being home and it was only when I started to love and honour my body exactly as it was that my sense of confidence, love and joy expanded. It was then that I began to get an inkling of the immense wisdom that was hidden and that came through my physical sensations, hunches and feelings. Our bodies capture the language of the Universe – Energy – and are constantly communicating it to us.

Up until now, many of us however have ignored these signals because we have been given misguided information, if any at all. To truly experience living orgasmically – that sense of total and unlimited and beyond time sensual connection to all that is – we have to overcome first the fear – yes fear – of our bodies and then we have to learn to open up to the language of our body-mind-soul connection, which is all channeled via our physical body and aura.

Before we can love our body, we have to establish a connection and if there is a connection already, be willing to explore it further. True intimacy begins within each of us and it is only through a sense of self-trust that a reliable and confident connection comes about. As well as through trial and error. So don’t beat yourself up over it. When you learned to walk, you did it one step at a time.

Furthermore, a healthy connection will flourish and become better integrated in a kind and loving environment. And it starts with you choosing these vibrations and then allowing whatever that is not or is to show up and be experienced so that it can be set free.

Energy simply wants to move and it is our personalities that lock energy into our bodies through our choices of thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I feel now more than ever, we’re now at a time in evolution where shifting through and out of this is possible. The place to start, is at home. That means you and your body – the connection to your reality.

Falling to peaces

Falling to peaces

by | Abundance, Alternative Therapy, Authentic, Awareness, Choice, Consciousness, Inspiration, Intuitive, Meditation, Personal Development, Question, Self-Actualization, Self-Worth, Spirituality, Uncategorized, Value, Well-Being | 3 comments

It’s been said many times that the only constant in Life is change. Yet people cling to the same old same so desperately in a vain attempt to slow things down, or to stop this  inevitable unfolding.

I use the term “change” here in the sense of growth and expansion and as a natural movement of Life and Living. Not in the sense that something is wrong and needs fixing.

When one truly embraces change as a daily constant, there is a fluidity and transparency that begins to appear, at first in bursts and spurts, and then increases in amplitude. However, before this may show up, everything one seems familiar with or takes at face value can begin to crumble. Everything that one may have held as steadfast and that is false and related to one’s sense of identity is challenged and requires letting go of.

Paradoxically, as these layers of acquired identity begin to unravel, one may find one’s self experiencing a sense of profound confusion, disorientation, loss, sadness, grief, interspersed with moments of intense ecstacy. This turbulent period can seem endless and has often been referred to as the ‘dark night of the Soul’, whereas what if it is more of a death of the Ego?

This is the moment when the Soul begins to shake off the shackles of lifetime’s of conditioning, persecution and torture. And the Ego stamps and screams, imploring one to get things back together because everything is “falling apart or to pieces (peaces)”. This is the lie that the Ego-Self uses to get us to cling so desperately at straws. Needless to say, it is very dramatic and seems very real and urgent.

Yet the more time passes and the facade falls away, a strange thing begins to happen. Perhaps fleetingly at first, one begins to feel bored by all the drama and trauma. For many this will result in extra bursts of activity as the attempt is made to fill the void. Until one just ends up feeling more exhausted and facing a yawning and seemingly empty pit. Some resist falling into oblivion by creating dis-ease, depression, bankruptcy, addictions, relationship or money issues. This only perpetuates the drama a while longer, but the Soul is unrelenting in it’s purpose. And what may seem as if one’s life is falling apart, is actually a “fall-in-2 peaces”!

SPOILTER ALERT – there is no drama or trauma to peace.

There is nothing to push against or fight for. At first it may seem boring, as all the usual external stimuli no longer have their previous pull of attraction. What was previously thought to be the void, is a growing sense of detachment that has been establishing itself firmly in the seat of Consciousness.

Having fallen into peace can seem strangely unsettling and uncomfortable at first, which may be unexpected in association with peace. The state of being in and at Peace is a new experience for so many of us. The common notion of peace has very little to do with this majestic experience of peaceful Be-ing.

The actual experience of peace is beyond the awareness of the masses at the moment, until we all fall-in-2 peaces.