How Complaining Steals Your Happiness

How Complaining Steals Your Happiness

No one likes to think of themselves as a complainer, right? I know I didn’t think of myself in this way and yet…

I noticed a few months back that I was feeling very grumpy and I was complaining more than usual. This in itself was fine, up to a point and initially felt good! And then I realized I was sliding into a repetitive rut and that complaining was stealing my enjoyment and ease in life.


How did I become aware of this? Well, my mood mostly, and then I started to tune in to my inner self-talk. Always the best way to gauge where I really am. Negative and defeatest self-talk never leads to success if left unadressed and it feels lousy, to say the least. So I addressed it! Firmly and lovingly – with awareness and humour… and shifted to ways to feel grateful instead. Almost immediately, my mood and self-talk became kinder and felt much better.

To be honest, even optimistic and strong people can be vulnerable to complaining. As humans, our emotional make-up is extremely complex and layered. It’s not about getting it all right and never complaining and more about being aware and knowing thyself well. From my experience, there are always signals that begin to show up as indicators of the direction I’m travelling. This is what Carl Jung, the Swiss Psychiatrist coined as ‘shadow work’ required to make the unconscious conscious.


The instances that helped me realize what was actually going on, was when I seemed to come across lots of posts on social media, people complaining! What the heck?! Yup, this is how it can show up and if I wasn’t aware and clear on where I want my emotional and mental compass to be, then I could get sucked in.


I can clearly remember my sense of affrontment when many years ago my therapist made me aware of the part of me that was the complainer. What, me a complainer!! No WAY…  Yes, indeed WAY! When I was able to see and acknowledge that a part of me felt comfortable complaining, I was able to make an empowered and conscious choice about this behaviour and pattern. I’m always grateful for clarity about myself!


Now, complaining is quite a common although disavowed habit, that can negatively impact our emotional well-being, relationships, and even physical health. As a complainer, we don’t always realize that what we are doing is ‘complaining’ and the impact this is having, until we become aware or have someone else point it out to us. This is NOT about judging yourself or others… it’s about awareness, perception and empowerment.

Complaining can also be a psychological defensive mechanism that occurs when we feel powerless to change something and creates a feeling of ambivalence. Beneath this mindset and behavioural pattern lies a wealth of wisdom about yourself, if your willing to dig and be honest with yourself.


To help make the unconscious more conscious, here are some ways that complaining can have a limiting impact longer-term:


1. Mental Health:

Complaining can lead to lowered mood and symptoms of anxiety, depression, and a negative outlook on life. This makes it harder to cope with stress and life’s challenges.


2. Personal Growth:

Continual complaining can hinder personal growth, causing feelings of irritability, frustration, and misplaced anger. This can show up as physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach pains, and a loss of appetite – ways that our body is letting us know that something needs to be addressed, not medicated, as is often the case. Don’t avoid seeking medical attention however to bring peace of mind.


3. Personal Relationships:

Most people don’t like hanging out with someone who is constantly complaining. Complaining behaviour can result in isolation and frustration in others, leading to feelings of loneliness and social isolation.


4. Lack Mentality:

Complaining robs people of enjoyment and is a sign of a sense of lack mentality.  There’s often a belief of unworthiness that can lead to financial worries and psychological distress.


5. Negative Behaviors and Habits:

Complaining can reinforce negative thinking patterns further and prevent individuals from taking action to address their concerns. No one likes to think of themselves as a complainer and this shuts us off from our awareness to when we do complain, making change seem impossible.


I’ve mentioned above how I shifted my mood and want to include some alternatives that can help break free from the cycle of complaining:


1. Gratitude Attitude:

Shift your focus from negative to positive aspects of life by practicing gratitude. Find anything that you can feel grateful for… and there’s always  at least one thing, in the Present moment! (Read my blog 4 Breakthrough Steps to Gratitude for deeper insights)


2. Healthy Expression:

All emotions are messengers and we honour them, yes even the ‘bad’ one when we acknowledge them. We learn to manage our emotions by venting  negative emotions and honouring how we truly feel. Talking about how you feel in a safe and present way is healthy and not complaining.


3. Understand that there is a Cost:

Be willing to recognize the link between complaining and the negative impact on mental, emotional, and physical health. If you need a mentor to help you see the bigger picture, take action. I certainly wouldn’t have the abilities I do today on my own, without the mentoring I received.


4. Focus on What You Can Control:

Stop complaining about things you can’t change and take action to address concerns within your control. Complaining steals your power, that’s all!


5. Set Your Intention:

Challenge yourself to go without complaining for a set period of time. Start small, e.g. one hour at a time. Initially, simply begin to notice where you complain and how you feel in the moment.


If you notice yourself complaining, stop and breathe. No judgement. Take back your power by identifying the triggers that lead to complaining and reflect on your emotions, identify the source, notice patterns, ask for feedback, and be present to your words, thoughs, behaviours. By understanding the impact of complaining and taking conscious action to break the habit, you can improve your emotional well-being and overall quality of life.

Will you stop complaining 100%. Maybe… However, if and when you do find yourself complaining – cause you’re Human right – then you will have the knowledge and skills to manage this behaviour efficiently, in a way that empowers you and sets you free from feeling like a victim.


Don’t let complaining steal your happiness!



Trilby Johnson is a Breakthrough Metaphysical Intuitive Mentor offering realistic, practical principles to assist highly-sensitive, intuitive and conscious individuals to heal, thrive and live their desired BIG lives.

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Assessment if you are ready for breakthrough beyond limitation into wisdom!

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

Daring Self-Promotion

Daring Self-Promotion

crop faceless person turning shop signboard hanging on glass wall
Photo by Amina Filkins on

For many years of my life, I thought that if I went about my business quietly and did everything well, someday I would be rewarded and noticed. Well that didn’t happen that way. I saw people take the credit for work that I had done and get the promotion or salary increase, whilst I got angrier and lost more confidence in myself. These were the days before I had heard about the law of attraction and understood how energy attracts like vibrations.

It hasn’t been a long time either that I was able to acknowledge my gifts and talents. And then it took a while before I had the courage to start telling others about it. I was quite naive in many ways and thought that I would find support and encouragement amongst like-minded people. Not always so. There seems to be quite a bit of competitiveness amongst the realm of Lightworkers, which I found puzzling and confusing.

What was playing out for me, was still this belief that somehow somewhere I would be discovered. Well, the Universe was very lovingly reflecting back to me, my unwillingness to discover myself, in a way that was loving and neutral, rather than coming from the resistance that had motivated me for so long.

I have moved beyond several “metaphysical and holistic groups or movements” because of complaints of too much self-promotion, or that it was not the place for it. Has self-promotion become a dirty word and where exactly is the right place for it?

Part of shining my Light is to let others know about other possibilities. I am after all the only person alive that truly knows my gifts and talents. So if I do not promote myself, well then who?

Now, there is a distinct difference between simple arrogance and genuine self-promotion. When one stands in their knowing and confidence and says, “I can do this!” it is a much different energy than someone who is just full of themselves.

I choose to believe that we live in an abundant Universe and that all in the Universe is there to facilitate and support us. Everything is vibrational information and we get to simply choose from this buffet of information that which we desire to experience. So why get upset about the fact that someone is perhaps eating all the peanuts, when there is so much else to choose from and when all you have to do is ask for more peanuts?

People prayer, meditate, affirm, visualise, chant etc for things to show up in their lives. Yet time and time again they reject or judge the information and others that show up. Why? Well because it does not look like they want or expect it to and because we have been entrained that talking about oneself if unacceptable. This belief dis-empowers one and perpetuates self-sabotage.

When we ask, it is given. We are given the vibrational equivalent of our asking. So what if within all this self-promotional material that comes across the table, is exactly the material and information one has been asking for? Yet blinded by our judgement and unwillingness to receive it, we push it away again and again.

I am so grateful for all the self-promotional information that has come into my life. I have gleaned and experience amazing new things because of it and ultimately always received the clarity I was asking for.

Be your own greatest self-promoter. Praise yourself and let others know what you are good at and that you do it well. This for me is all a part of shining my Light and fulfilling my role as a Light Worker. What if someone out there is looking for the exact ability that you have and they are waiting to find you? May you enjoy your creations!

In LIght.



Trilby Johnson is a Breakthrough Mentor and Intitiive, Best-Selling Author and Speaker. She facilitate private sessions globally. Visit her website to find out more about the breakthrough mentoring and intuitive bodywork she offers.

Did video kill the radio star?

Did video kill the radio star?

Have you thought of using Radio as a way of getting your message, talents and gifts out to the big wide world? microphone

I started hosting my own radio show BE YU Well-Being Radio about a year ago and what a journey it has been. Enjoyment is definitely the word that springs to mind. Having come a long way since those first few shows, today I still have fun and get to express myself and share my opinions. I have had several guest speakers on my show and we talk about some really interesting topics – in fact anything that pertains basically to Well-Being and that provides tools and food for thought and why not, the Soul 🙂

If you are someone who suffers from fear of public speaking – like I used to – radio is the perfect solution! Whilst I do still get excited before each show or interview with a guest speaker, there is none of the dread and fear that used to plague the times when I had to make a speech in front of a room of people. Talking on the radio is like chatting on the phone to a comfortable acquaintance or good friend and leads to some lively and stimulating conversations.

One of the factors which played a role in my personal journey was the act of having to listen. Those of you who use Neurolinguistic Programming as a tool, understand how the switching of how one programmes information can in fact enhance the recording of the information. At least this has been my experience. Predominantly someone visual, I found myself over the last several years turning more and more to audio as a way of learning. I also noticed after some time that the way in which I was processing the information had shifted and I was gaining a greater understanding and learning quicker than had been the case previously.

Today, when email accounts and the web is inundated by the enormous influx of new information, audio has provided a delightful escape into a new and exciting world.

My journey into radio has been one of growth, confidence building, exploring, experiment, courage and fun. So much so that one of my desires now, is to offer this opportunity to others, who like myself are the neighbour next door and yet who have the ability to create change and something new and are looking for an opportunity to break out.

I would be honoured and blessed if you choose to come and play with me on my radio show at

What great adventures can we create and have together and share with the world?

If you enjoyed this blog post then please like it, rate it and share it – the YouTube too 🙂 Pass it forward. Much appreciation.

In Light.