Coaching Archives - Breakthrough Savvy with Trilby Johnson

No one likes to think of themselves as a complainer, right? I know I didn’t think of myself in this way and yet…

I noticed a few months back that I was feeling very grumpy and I was complaining more than usual. This in itself was fine, up to a point and initially felt good! And then I realized I was sliding into a repetitive rut and that complaining was stealing my enjoyment and ease in life.

How did I become aware of this? Well, my mood mostly, and then I started to tune in to my inner self-talk. Always the best way to gauge where I really am. Negative and defeatest self-talk never leads to success if left unadressed and it feels lousy, to say the least. So I addressed it! Firmly and lovingly – with awareness and humour… and shifted to ways to feel grateful instead. Almost immediately, my mood and self-talk became kinder and felt much better.

To be honest, even optimistic and strong people can be vulnerable to complaining. As humans, our emotional make-up is extremely complex and layered. It’s not about getting it all right and never complaining and more about being aware and knowing thyself well. From my experience, there are always signals that begin to show up as indicators of the direction I’m travelling. This is what Carl Jung, the Swiss Psychiatrist coined as ‘shadow work’ required to make the unconscious conscious.

The instances that helped me realize what was actually going on, was when I seemed to come across lots of posts on social media, people complaining! What the heck?! Yup, this is how it can show up and if I wasn’t aware and clear on where I want my emotional and mental compass to be, then I could get sucked in.

I can clearly remember my sense of affrontment when many years ago my therapist made me aware of the part of me that was the complainer. What, me a complainer!! No WAY… Yes, indeed WAY! When I was able to see and acknowledge that a part of me felt comfortable complaining, I was able to make an empowered and conscious choice about this behaviour and pattern. I’m always grateful for clarity about myself!

Now, complaining is quite a common although disavowed habit, that can negatively impact our emotional well-being, relationships, and even physical health. As a complainer, we don’t always realize that what we are doing is ‘complaining’ and the impact this is having, until we become aware or have someone else point it out to us. This is NOT about judging yourself or others… it’s about awareness, perception and empowerment.

Complaining can also be a psychological defensive mechanism that occurs when we feel powerless to change something and creates a feeling of ambivalence. Beneath this mindset and behavioural pattern lies a wealth of wisdom about yourself, if your willing to dig and be honest with yourself.

To help make the unconscious more conscious, here are some ways that complaining can have a limiting impact longer-term:

1. Mental Health:

Complaining can lead to lowered mood and symptoms of anxiety, depression, and a negative outlook on life. This makes it harder to cope with stress and life’s challenges.

2. Personal Growth:

Continual complaining can hinder personal growth, causing feelings of irritability, frustration, and misplaced anger. This can show up as physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach pains, and a loss of appetite – ways that our body is letting us know that something needs to be addressed, not medicated, as is often the case. Don’t avoid seeking medical attention however to bring peace of mind.

3. Personal Relationships:

Most people don’t like hanging out with someone who is constantly complaining. Complaining behaviour can result in isolation and frustration in others, leading to feelings of loneliness and social isolation.

4. Lack Mentality:

Complaining robs people of enjoyment and is a sign of a sense of lack mentality. There’s often a belief of unworthiness that can lead to financial worries and psychological distress.

5. Negative Behaviors and Habits:

Complaining can reinforce negative thinking patterns further and prevent individuals from taking action to address their concerns. No one likes to think of themselves as a complainer and this shuts us off from our awareness to when we do complain, making change seem impossible.

I’ve mentioned above how I shifted my mood and want to include some alternatives that can help break free from the cycle of complaining:

1. Gratitude Attitude:

Shift your focus from negative to positive aspects of life by practicing gratitude. Find anything that you can feel grateful for… and there’s always at least one thing, in the Present moment! (Read my blog 4 Breakthrough Steps to Gratitude for deeper insights)

2. Healthy Expression:

All emotions are messengers and we honour them, yes even the ‘bad’ one when we acknowledge them. We learn to manage our emotions by venting negative emotions and honouring how we truly feel. Talking about how you feel in a safe and present way is healthy and not complaining.

3. Understand that there is a Cost:

Be willing to recognize the link between complaining and the negative impact on mental, emotional, and physical health. If you need a mentor to help you see the bigger picture, take action. I certainly wouldn’t have the abilities I do today on my own, without the mentoring I received.

4. Focus on What You Can Control:

Stop complaining about things you can’t change and take action to address concerns within your control. Complaining steals your power, that’s all!

5. Set Your Intention:

Challenge yourself to go without complaining for a set period of time. Start small, e.g. one hour at a time. Initially, simply begin to notice where you complain and how you feel in the moment.

If you notice yourself complaining, stop and breathe. No judgement. Take back your power by identifying the triggers that lead to complaining and reflect on your emotions, identify the source, notice patterns, ask for feedback, and be present to your words, thoughs, behaviours. By understanding the impact of complaining and taking conscious action to break the habit, you can improve your emotional well-being and overall quality of life.

Will you stop complaining 100%. Maybe… However, if and when you do find yourself complaining – cause you’re Human right – then you will have the knowledge and skills to manage this behaviour efficiently, in a way that empowers you and sets you free from feeling like a victim.

Don’t let complaining steal your happiness!

———————————————————————————————————–

Trilby Johnson is a Breakthrough Metaphysical Intuitive Mentor offering realistic, practical principles to assist highly-sensitive, intuitive and conscious individuals to heal, thrive and live their desired BIG lives.

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Assessment if you are ready for breakthrough beyond limitation into wisdom!

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

Do you know how to relate authentically? No secrets here …………. it begins with YOU. The kind of relationship you have with yourself, will impact on other areas of your life. On your health, wealth, relationships, work and spirituality. For truly everything is within before it shows up without.

To create true and lasting change in one’s life and the world, the change starts with oneself. And I mean change as in stepping into or towards total, complete, all-encompassing, unconditional allowance and gratefulness for who we are, in all our complex, confusing, magnificence ….. NOW!

Awareness to what is going on, is the first step and then choosing. So what does this awareness look like and where can it be found? And once aware how can we create the change we desire ?

Whatever is going on in your life, your body, your relationships etc serves as a reflection and offers information as to what kind of vibrational frequency we are at. So, we can get information from these experiences. And from here choose consciously where we desire to travel next and what kind of an experience we are seeking to have.

Plus, there is a whole arena of vibrational frequencies that is just beyond our current level of perception. This is just how energy works. Like a radio station – you have to tune in to the exact frequency to catch the show and when you are in range you can tune in. All that static you can hear, is information that is on another frequency.

Sometimes it’s this static that draws us and that hold the new information we require to take the next step. However, how can we tune in to receive it. As Neale Donald Walsch wrote, “Your real life begins, beyond your comfort zones.”

So what’s it going take to first of all recognise those comfort zones, then know how to choose which are working for you or not, and then choose to focus on what does work?

Often we know we have to choose something different – the signs are all around – however we do not know how to. Choosing a mentor or facilitator is a great choice. I have been fortunate in my life to have received counsel and mentoring from some amazing people and the greatest gift I received was that of objectivity.

A blind spot is a specific vibrational frequency and so having a third person who is inspiring, uplifting and most importantly non-judgemental to guide me to recognising them and how to clear their electromagnetic imprint has been worth the blood, sweat and the tears – leaving space and infinite possibilities. It has given me the ability to be the Observer more and more in my life.

When we are able to stand in a place as the Observer, we are able to see all, without judgement. Meditation teaches us this – for me this is the lesson in the practice of the law of detached consciousness. It gives us the space and tools with which we can see the wood for the trees and opens up an infinite choice of possibility.

My personal journey has been one of learning to love myself 100% – the good, the bad and the ugly. I have and continue to embrace my darker side and to enjoy expanding with it more into my lighter sides. My criteria for choice today are ease and joy. Is this something you would like for you too?

What if you are the one you have been waiting for? And what if the waiting is now over? It is You and the time is NOW!

By the Light of the God I AM

I release all procrastination and indecisiveness

I acknowledge the power to create, the courage to believe

And the willingness to receive the abundance of the universe

I embrace the awareness to actualise my purpose

I release my childhood contract where I felt I had to save myself from myself and others

Now, as an enlightened being, I know that I cannot be all things to all people.

My greatest joy is living my authentic self

(Author Unknown)

Trust this inspires you to know just how valuable you are. And please don’t allow the terminology used and that perhaps doesn’t resonate with you to be a distraction that keeps you once again from authentically relating with your true Essence.

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Assessment if you are ready for breakthrough beyond limitation into wisdom!

Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

Did you know that public speaking is one of the most frequent and strongest fears that people have? I used to be one of them and here is what I learned. My fears stemmed from memories of numerous failed and embarrassing class speeches that had gone horribly wrong. Additionally, I grew up believing that what I had to say was not interesting anyway. Plus, I hated confrontation and public speaking was the worst case scenario. Can you relate to any of this?

Consequently, for many years I would do everything I could to avoid public speaking in any form and this meant even avoiding speaking up for myself. For a long time, I denied my inner voice that was inviting me to challenge these beliefs and to stand up and speak out fearlessly!

Don’t get me wrong. I did find many creative and ‘safe’ ways of expressing myself. Unwittingly, they have helped me to build my confidence, hone my expertise and most importantly stand in my authority and explore what I am really good at and enjoy. The advent of social media, podcasts, tele-summits, blogging and self-publishing have all contributed greatly to my ‘coaching’.

A key to effective problem solving I have found – and one that addresses all aspects of an issue – is to never face a problem head on! This can create huge resistance and amplifies feelings of frustration and overwhelm and discouragement. For example, if you are driving from A to Z and on the way there is a major road block, you would look for alternative routes and ways to get there, right? Looking for alternatives and solutions is a great way to solve problems and allows other possibilities to show up, which you may not of thought of initially. So what this advent did for me, was that I was actually learning to stand up and speak out, without seeing it as public speaking! This helped removed the fear factor and look at things from a different perspective.

It’s taken many years to finally break through this pattern of fear and shift my mindset around public speaking. Funnily enough, I realized this fully when I recently gave a talk at my local library’s ‘Author’s Evening’ to introduce my book ‘FEARLESSLY ALONE‘ and talk about what had motivated me and why. Was I nervous? You bet! In fact, unusually so. Because this time I was presenting something that was important to me – it wasn’t like those classroom speeches where I spoke about someone else’s ideas – this was about issues that were close to my heart and I felt extremely vulnerable. Yet, I wanted to be able to stand up and speak out fearlessly, even if others were challenging me and didn’t agree. I wanted to present my ideas without being confrontational and yet inspire food for thought and challenge old concepts. And I did just that!

You see, I knew my material well. It was a part of me and my life experience. I was my resource library. To create the mindset I wanted, I looked at all the beliefs that surfaced and I shifted each and every one of them. I also created those I would need as a positive back up – confidence, self-worth, awareness, humour and being willing to be vulnerable. I was able to transmute the fear of judgement of others and the need to be wrong or right. I was there to express my interesting point of view, to offer food for thought and to create connection with those whom my information could support.

More importantly, all the previous online ‘training’ had been preparing me for this moment and as I took action, even feeling really nervous, I was able to connect to that place within where I know who I am and believe in myself. It was such a wonderful and empowering experience! So much so, that it has ignited a burning desire to stand up and speak out fearlessly more often. Who would have thought this was possible? Certainly not that shy and unhappy school girl from way back. It took me six years to manifest this evening and prepare myself mentally and emotionally and spiritually. It all began a long time ago, when my Heart’s Knowing whispered to me, “You can do it!”… and so can you!

Some steps you can take towards standing up and speaking out fearlessly are:

Dare to believe in your dreams, no matter how silly or far away they may seem.
Ask and be willing to receive.
Take the baby steps and actions that come with ease to you.
Change direction as required without losing sight of your destination.
Build a mindset with beliefs that support your growth and that feel good along the way.
Trust that any thing is possible and look for opportunities!
Believe in yourself!

In Light and Appreciation

Trilby

Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment if you are ready for go from zero to hero now!

Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

The spiritual relationship. By its very nature, solitary and deeply personal. Where each individual is called to find the meaning of life, for themselves. The importance of the beliefs around this relationship is evidenced throughout history and through the pivotal role that religion has held. Still today, war is waged in the name of religion and spiritual salvation used as the trump card.

In Western society, freedom to choose your spiritual beliefs, is relatively recent. Yet, the desire to belong and be a part of something is very strong for most humans. When this sense of connection is under threat or lacking – especially with regards to spirituality – you can feel alone and vulnerable.

There are many diverse spiritual beliefs and groups. This can often make it seem even more challenging to find and connect with those who have similar spiritual beliefs and who share and express the same values. Making assumptions about how people with spiritual beliefs behave can also result in disillusion.

A part of being different, is celebrating the diverse qualities and talents that make us an individual. As with any situation in life, I believe how we will experience anything comes down to attitude. So if you are feeling alone in your spiritual beliefs, here are some suggestions:

1. Change your Perspective
If you are feeling that being alone is something negative, then it’s very important to question the quality, viability and source of your spiritual beliefs. The very essence of having a spiritual relationship, is meant to connect you more closely with your divine nature – with yourself. If this sense of connection is lacking, then it’s important to dig deeper. Take a look at the content of your beliefs – ask yourself if they are preventing you from enjoying your life and divine nature more? Be honest.

2. Fish out the False Beliefs
One of the primary reasons you may be feeling unfulfilled and alone when it comes to your spiritual beliefs, in my opinion, lies hidden within the misleading information we have all been fed for eons about our origins and divine nature. How this can show up is in a feeling of ‘there’s something wrong with me’ or ‘I must be from another planet, because I don’t fit in anywhere’. I believe these feelings are linked to what I call ‘the myth of separation’. Belief in this myth, whether conscious or unconscious, has left a huge scar in the human psyche. This lie has dealt a huge blow to us as a race, especially in western culture. I offer an in-depth look at the spiritual intricacies of this myth and how it leads to an unhealthy sense of being alone in my book FEARLESSLY ALONE – Stop The Lonely Crisis And Find Your Happy.

In our current evolutionary pattern, for true soul/spiritual healing to occur, resolving this false belief around being alone appears to be a necessary rite of spiritual passage. If you are ready to fully experience the sacred relationship of your divine nature – however that looks to you – then feeling unhappily alone is an indication that your spiritual beliefs need upgrading to support, not diminish, you.

3. Find a Spiritual Teacher
Look for a spiritual teacher who can help you uncover any limiting beliefs and install new supportive ones. One of the important things to realize when feeling alone, is that it is an act of self-love to ask for help. You are not meant to do it all on your own! The Universe is abundant and brimming with life-force energy. There is no way that this excludes you. Only you exclude you. Is that perhaps what makes you feel alone? Reach out your hand and ask for help to transform your body-mind-soul connection.

4. Reframe the game
Reframe how you look at feeling alone. What if, instead of it being something negative, feeling alone means you are on your way?! You have broken free of the conventional dogma that restricts so many. Simply stop judging yourself. When you follow your own intuitive guidance and inner authority faithfully, you gain confidence and comfortably make the right choices for you.

When it comes to beliefs, choose those that lift you up where you belong. Choose to be a Spiritual Warrior who stands strong and firm and All-One.

In Light and Appreciation

Trilby

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment if you are ready for go from zero to hero now!

Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

Save

Have you ever noticed how you are just cruising along and ticking off those things on your to-do-list – whether for your business or your personal affairs – and you are feeling really good and in cruise mode – when suddenly, it’s like a trap door opens up beneath your feet and you fall into the black abyss? Yet again! Almost as if you had made no progress at all. I know, right! It can be extremely frustrating and disheartening to say the least, even when you can say it happens less often. This is what happened to me recently. Let me explain!

There I was, toodling along in creative mode, feeling really excited and filled with a wonderful sense of accomplishment. I had completed writing for two new projects – my new book ‘Fearlessly Alone’ and a collaborative project. Phew! (Which is the reason I hadn’t written any blogs in a while and I had wanted to stay totally focused on getting these done.) Now, I found myself suddenly with heaps of more time on my hands, as you do when you complete a big project and are working to a deadline. There was a lot of empty space – to enjoy and for new stuff to come in. And it did! Some really great and easy new stuff and some not so new stuff, obviously still hidden in the dark recesses of my subconscious and that needed to be looked at in a new way. And yes, ouch that hurt!

What really intrigues me when it comes to Awareness, is that being ‘aware’ enables me to access pools of information all of the time. This is a relief to the perfectionist in me, because it means I don’t have to learn everything – all I have do is tune in to my Awareness and allow that specific information to show up. Of course this attitude means I have to give up the need to control every single little aspect of everything. All of which is fueled by a fear of failure. Now, I am not going to lie and say that this always runs smoothly. Cause just like those little emoticons that pop up on your screen, when strong emotions are at play, it can make for a rocky day. So it helps me to have a strategy for firstly coping and then resolving. Sounds good, doesn’t it! And so how can this hurt, you may be wondering?

A while ago, I signed-up for breakthrough session with a coach whose work I have participated in and whose expertise I respect and admire. So I was looking forward to the 30 minutes conversation and hoping for some more clarity around a specific issue. You know, one of those areas in my life where I still felt like I ‘had to work on myself’. It was not five minutes into the call and conversation, when my mood took a sharp nose-dive and it felt like I was floundering. By the end of the call, I hung up feeling really down in the dumps and filled with doubt. What had happened?! Where had my sense of inner calm and accomplishment vanished to? Allow me to share.

Just like many people, I have my ‘down’ moments and experience feelings of doubt, fear, anger at times – it is part of the human experience. Thank goodness though, that I have the strategy that I mentioned earlier above, because here Life had presented me with an opportunity to apply it – take it for another test run. In other words, a curve ball. I was faced with an opportunity to grow. I knew there was something positive and insightful to take away from this situation and that would reveal to me, my inner workings and how they were derailing me and looking for fine-tuning. Whereas previously, these kinds of moments would last for days, if not weeks or months and become situations, nowadays I am happy to say that whilst they hurt in the moment, they no longer lasted very long anymore. The highs and the lows are becoming more harmonious!

Now, if you don’t yet know me or my story, then I want to share that ‘walking my talk’ is an essential and practical part of how I choose to experience Being Me. It is also an important part of the ‘know how’ that I teach, about how to move away from overwhelm and stress and move into a place of being able to make choices calmly and confidently in daily life. Fortunately, I had recorded the conversation, so I could go back and listen. I was curious as to what had triggered this downward emotional spike and so I listened to the replay. And I got real clear on the reason that it felt Ouch, That Hurt!

What was evident to me when listening back over the conversation, was how, after the first few minutes, the way I spoke about myself and my situation came from a place of victim mentality and focus. It was a real eye opener for me, to listen to the way in which I spoke about my situation during this call and what I had focused on. Furthermore, I had doubted myself and where I was at on my timeline. I had allowed myself to become distracted! No wonder my feelings had plummeted! And thank goodness they had. My inner alert system is working well. I had to listen to the replay for a third time – this time with conscious detachment – before I felt my inner calm and energy once again. It no longer hurt!

What did I take away from this experience?

This served as such a wonderful wake-up call for me and the realizations that there are still parts within myself that may feel afraid and full of doubts.
By choosing to love these parts of myself and to thank them for showing me that my journey of knowing myself unfolds more each day in remarkable ways, I was able to raise my vibration again to a place of feeling good.
This incident proved to be a powerful reminder to honour and follow my own Inner Authority, no matter what or who I was talking to.
Respecting and admiring another person does not mean disregarding what I know does or does not work for me.
I am the one who picks up the tab and so I figure that allows me to choose and enjoy the contrast of experiences that springs up and seems appropriate for me.
In the moment I was able to be grateful for and release the Ouch, that hurt and turn it into a Yay, I am on my way!
Every situation is an opportunity to take stock of where I am on my vibrational scale of inner balance, because what is within is reflected without.

I am so grateful for this experience that brought me greater understanding of myself!

Can you identify an area or situation in your life where you felt down or heavy and then something wonderful emerged later on? Where you turned your Ouch that hurt, into a Yay! ? Choose to believe that not only does Life have your back – you do as well! Re-member that you are the vital part of your Equation.

In Light and Appreciation
Trilby

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment if you are ready for go from zero to hero now!

Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

Save

Dare to believe in your dreams, no matter how silly or far away they may seem.

Ask and be willing to receive.

Take the baby steps and actions that come with ease to you.

Change direction as required without losing sight of your destination.

Build a mindset with beliefs that support your growth and that feel good along the way.

Trust that any thing is possible and look for opportunities!

Believe in yourself!