Many people seem to believe that the greatest gift of love to another, is to offer their love. Whilst this is indeed a precious gesture, is this really true or unconditional love?
What if,this is like offering a tool to someone that frankly they have no use for? Even though they appreciate the gesture. What if the highest intent when loving someone, is to love them in the way they need to be loved? Asking them what tool they require and if it will be useful to them. I always remember Louise Hay’s question, “how can I love you more today?”. So often I observe people in their talking about relationships saying that they want someone who will do this and that with them and to share in their interests. When they meet up for their first date, so many just talk about themselves. But what about the other person? What about what interests them?
In the methodology of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) this is a very important premise. Understanding the language of the other. If communication is to be successful, then it is imperative to use the words that make sense to the person being communicated with. This seems to make so much sense, yet many people experience difficult communication which leads to misunderstanding due to not checking in with the other person, firstly that they have understood. Have you ever experienced or overheard a conversation where you say one thing, the other person says another, there is disagreement, only to later find out that you meant the same thing? This is an example of where people with different cognitive modalities are talking, but unwittingly at each other rather than with each other. It is about choosing the form of words that suit the mental map of the other party. For example, for people who collect data visually, certain words like imagine or questions like ‘can you see?’ make the conversation flow. So for people who are auditive or kinesthetic it would certainly facilitate things to use words that ‘speak’ to them. I believe it is similar when it comes to emotional relationships, which are forms of conversation.
If people are to experience truly fulfilling, satisfying and loving relationship, where there is a vulnerable intimacy possible, I believe we must change our expectations of relationship. Especially the main one – our relationship with ourselves. We have to face our own demons or shadow selves and love them into simply being – beyond judgment – so that the shadow can expand into the light. Having experienced seriously dis-functional relationships, I chose to really sit down and take a long hard look at what kept on showing up. And then taking ownership. Standing in my responsibility as a Creator and embracing it all – the good, the bad and the ugly. For after all, it is who I am. And I choose to be in love with whatever that is and looks like.
Yes of course there is always space for expansion, however there is a huge difference when this comes from a place of judgment – or polarity reality – rather than from a space of ‘now what amazing adventure would I like to create, be, have, experience and generate next?”. Then I can come from a place and space of true being that lends a sense of communion to all relating. Then I can stand In Love and lose nothing of myself when loving another as they require it. When the ego falls away it becomes easy to do, because it is no longer about ‘how I will love you” and rather ‘let me explore the many ways to love and love you differently’.
The more I travel this road of Knowing Myself the more I understand the importance of what truly loving oneself first, means for me. It is only then that there is no requirement to be loved by another, because one already is In Love. Then what flows forth when together with another is a dance of joy and participation and of expansion and of experiencing something new each day. There is already a sense of wholeness that requires simple self-expression rather than validation from and by another. When the “I” in the relationship becomes the ‘We’ of the Relationship – The Oneness. The real love question therefore in my opinion, is in learning to speak the the language of the Beloved – the true language (and message) of love.And it starts with self-love and is perpetuated from there.
May you Be In Love!
Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.
For many years of my life, I thought that if I went about my business quietly and did everything well, someday I would be rewarded and noticed. Well that didn’t happen that way. I saw people take the credit for work that I had done and get the promotion or salary increase, whilst I got angrier and lost more confidence in myself. These were the days before I had heard about the law of attraction and understood how energy attracts like vibrations.
It hasn’t been a long time either that I was able to acknowledge my gifts and talents. And then it took a while before I had the courage to start telling others about it. I was quite naive in many ways and thought that I would find support and encouragement amongst like-minded people. Not always so. There seems to be quite a bit of competitiveness amongst the realm of Lightworkers, which I found puzzling and confusing.
What was playing out for me, was still this belief that somehow somewhere I would be discovered. Well, the Universe was very lovingly reflecting back to me, my unwillingness to discover myself, in a way that was loving and neutral, rather than coming from the resistance that had motivated me for so long.
I have moved beyond several “metaphysical and holistic groups or movements” because of complaints of too much self-promotion, or that it was not the place for it. Has self-promotion become a dirty word and where exactly is the right place for it?
Part of shining my Light is to let others know about other possibilities. I am after all the only person alive that truly knows my gifts and talents. So if I do not promote myself, well then who?
Now, there is a distinct difference between simple arrogance and genuine self-promotion. When one stands in their knowing and confidence and says, “I can do this!” it is a much different energy than someone who is just full of themselves.
I choose to believe that we live in an abundant Universe and that all in the Universe is there to facilitate and support us. Everything is vibrational information and we get to simply choose from this buffet of information that which we desire to experience. So why get upset about the fact that someone is perhaps eating all the peanuts, when there is so much else to choose from and when all you have to do is ask for more peanuts?
People prayer, meditate, affirm, visualise, chant etc for things to show up in their lives. Yet time and time again they reject or judge the information and others that show up. Why? Well because it does not look like they want or expect it to and because we have been entrained that talking about oneself if unacceptable. This belief dis-empowers one and perpetuates self-sabotage.
When we ask, it is given. We are given the vibrational equivalent of our asking. So what if within all this self-promotional material that comes across the table, is exactly the material and information one has been asking for? Yet blinded by our judgement and unwillingness to receive it, we push it away again and again.
I am so grateful for all the self-promotional information that has come into my life. I have gleaned and experience amazing new things because of it and ultimately always received the clarity I was asking for.
Be your own greatest self-promoter. Praise yourself and let others know what you are good at and that you do it well. This for me is all a part of shining my Light and fulfilling my role as a Light Worker. What if someone out there is looking for the exact ability that you have and they are waiting to find you? May you enjoy your creations!
Trilby Johnson is a Breakthrough Mentor and Intitiive, Best-Selling Author and Speaker. She facilitate private sessions globally. Visit her website https://www.breakthroughsavvy.com to find out more about the breakthrough mentoring and intuitive bodywork she offers.
Have you thought of using Radio as a way of getting your message, talents and gifts out to the big wide world?
I started hosting my own radio show BE YU Well-Being Radio about a year ago and what a journey it has been. Enjoyment is definitely the word that springs to mind. Having come a long way since those first few shows, today I still have fun and get to express myself and share my opinions. I have had several guest speakers on my show and we talk about some really interesting topics – in fact anything that pertains basically to Well-Being and that provides tools and food for thought and why not, the Soul 🙂
If you are someone who suffers from fear of public speaking – like I used to – radio is the perfect solution! Whilst I do still get excited before each show or interview with a guest speaker, there is none of the dread and fear that used to plague the times when I had to make a speech in front of a room of people. Talking on the radio is like chatting on the phone to a comfortable acquaintance or good friend and leads to some lively and stimulating conversations.
One of the factors which played a role in my personal journey was the act of having to listen. Those of you who use Neurolinguistic Programming as a tool, understand how the switching of how one programmes information can in fact enhance the recording of the information. At least this has been my experience. Predominantly someone visual, I found myself over the last several years turning more and more to audio as a way of learning. I also noticed after some time that the way in which I was processing the information had shifted and I was gaining a greater understanding and learning quicker than had been the case previously.
Today, when email accounts and the web is inundated by the enormous influx of new information, audio has provided a delightful escape into a new and exciting world.
My journey into radio has been one of growth, confidence building, exploring, experiment, courage and fun. So much so that one of my desires now, is to offer this opportunity to others, who like myself are the neighbour next door and yet who have the ability to create change and something new and are looking for an opportunity to break out.
I would be honoured and blessed if you choose to come and play with me on my radio show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/trilbyjohnson.
What great adventures can we create and have together and share with the world?
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So, let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. Who knows and can choose what is right for you? You, right! The only person on this planet that can do this for you, is none other than yourself. Of course, you can turn to others for advice and draw even on your own past experiences. However, when it comes down to it, each choice you make will impact on your life and you will be the one to deal with the consequences. People may tell you that you are oversensitive, selfish, a bore, egotistical, a trouble maker, naive, a dreamer, arrogant, etc – and perhaps they are correct – nevertheless, whatever you may or may not be, you are the only one that can choose for you.
Being in a place of confusion or indecision is probably the most uncomfortable state in which one can be. Humans tend to respond better when they have direction and as the saying goes, you have to know where you are going, to get there. This requires making a choice in the moment now, based on the influential factors in the moment of now, that will take you into the next moment of now. In other words, choice is flexible and is our greatest tool to be used every second of the day as we go along. According to most spiritual scriptures, the one thing that the Creator gave us as our greatest quality and tool was freedom of CHOICE. It is so important to consistently be choosing again and again. Why? Well, because how do you know if something works for you or not? You have to give it a go, no? Like when purchasing new clothes, or a car, a new recipe, a new relationship, a job, etc, – you will only know what it is like when you have done it. And yet many of us have been conditioned to make a choice and then stick to it FOREVER. We actually often even convince ourselves with external circumstances that we have made the right choice, even when it is blatantly apparent that this is not in our favour.
How many of us actually choose from a place of choice and choose what is right for us? The majority of us, myself included, have been entrained into erroneously believing that we are actually choosing for ourself, when in fact we are often on the default choice of the collective consciousness. Want to test this? This becomes apparent the minute we do not conform to group, ethnic, social, cultural, financial, religious and spiritual norms, when we are made to feel weird, strange, crazy or an outsider. Most of us are unconsciously so afraid of being alone, shunned, disliked, poor, being judged and not fitting in, that we “almost” happily conform to the most acceptable social and cultural behaviours, whilst in fact robbing ourselves of our own empowerment and authenticity. I say “almost” because I find that when I buy into this charade, the feeling of emptiness within increases and there is always that little niggle that something, is just not quite right that won’t go away. This entrainment is so subtle and runs through everything and as I found out recently, is probably most insidiously dangerous and retarding when one believes that they are doing it from a place of genuineness.
I give an example from my own recent experience. I found myself working in a place that pushed a lot of buttons for me. One of Life’s generous and humourous curve balls, so to speak. 🙂 As is the case when learning a new skill, there is always a final exam and I feel that Life operates in a similar way. Not to test us – this is a linear human mental concept – but rather as the law of attraction or matching vibrational frequencies denotes, to sort out what matches or not, now. It has been a most fantastic, enriching and enlightening experience!. It was in this situation that I began to APPLY the tools I have acquired to the situations showing up. I chose to respond rather than react. Reaction cuts off the flow of creation. The changes showed up thick and fast. Perhaps the greatest change being that I no longer shied away from confrontation when it comes to being me. Once I got that most people ain’t going to like me anyway, for their own personal reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with me or that are a reflection of me, I was able to fully embrace this state of being.
What also came under fire was my beliefs of what being a spiritual person means and unveiled the default programme running in the background. For those of you who are familiar with Neuro-linguistic Programming, this technique came about because the founders wanted to find out how experts did what they did and did it well and to basically copy this. The premise is that as all information is coded into the brain, if one was able to decipher the language used to create an expert strategy, then it would be possible to extrapolate this to other areas and strategies and thus transform behaviours. And it does. What amazes me is how the mental mind compartamentalises everything. This comes about through repetition and forms what is commonly called habits. It is only when we start to undo these neural habitual pathways that we become aware that it is indeed possible to apply all data to everything. For instance, as we do one thing, so we do it all. This is one possible explanation of why when we have an issue in one area of our life that is constantly showing up, we find that the underlying cause effects all areas of our lives. We are just more aware of it in a certain areas that others. Once the limitation is removed at the root though, the effect ripples out across the whole.
So, in this instance it seemed I was keeping spirituality and money in separate compartments of my brain. What this working experience revealed to me was this limitation in my thinking. Whilst I cognitively can recognise that both of these aspects are made of energy, the judgements I had about both and in regards to myself and how I was supposed to behave as a spiritual person, well got me in a right royal bind. I had separated myself from myself and my Source of Creation. I found myself caught between a spiritual rock and a financial hard place! In spite of the fact that my awareness was showing me quite cleary that the situation was abusive in many ways and was not working for me, I had chosen to believe that I had to stick it out for some strange spiritual misconception that confrontation is a bad thing and that I had to put up with this abuse because I needed the money.
Fortunately, this got so uncomfortable that my mental compartments finally lifted and I got that I was choosing to allow myself to be abused for money. That’s a good one, no?!?! I had allowed myself to be devalued because I – yes me – had unconsciously chosen to give away my sovereign power, to money. The second I got this clarity, my heart chakra opened and everything shifted and I was filled with a sense of relief and peace and space. Aahhhhhhhhhh.
This shift may mean that I am criticised, judged and disliked by others. That’s okay. When we choose to stand in our Light and shine, we may shine light on our darkness and that of others’. Many will not thank us for this. However, some may experience something different because of it. How could this turn into something even greater than anything I can imagine?
I really feel that what 2012 and beyond is about is that we all fully integrate on an intrinsic and cognitive level that we are the Creators of our Lives. That Life is constantly giving us pop up screens of what it is we are creating, not to judge ourselves with and make us right or wrong, but rather so that we can experience it and then choose again. Choice offers freedom and a state of being grateful. What if choosing can be as simple as saying, thank you for that experience. Mmmhhh. Interesting. Now I would like to choose to experience this or that too. It is about grasping the essence that I am the one I have been waiting for and that no law of attraction, deity or Universe is going to give me what I desire, if I do not create it first, by claiming and demanding it. Just as I gave my power of creation away to money, I also give it away to something outside of myself when I believe that I am not my own creator. There is no separation between me and Source, because I, as well as everyone, are Sparks of the Divine. What if the sole reason for me being here at this time on Planet Earth is to BE the Divine and to know this in every cell of my body? I Am that I Am.
I hold a vision of each and every Human Being on this planet coming to full consciousness of choice in their role of the Creator of their Life and that they can stand in the greatness of their creations with ease and joy and glory. And that each and everyone knows how precious, magnificent and valuable you are. You are a gift to the world. These are such exciting times!
It is an honour to be of service. In Light, AL-WAYS
So, what’s your body talk? How does your body talk to you? Are you aware that your body can talk, not only to you but with other bodies? No, I am not talking about body language or even non-verbal communication, in the context of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). I am talking about the language that our bodies use to communicate with us and other bodies and energies. For many, often their first conscious awareness of their body will be through the sensation of pain. Yes, for some strange reason this is usually when people actually become aware of their physical bodies, other than the thing they have to feed and perhaps wash daily. Until this time, many people remain totally disassociated with the one thing that is literally under their nose and closest too them. Not only is it ignored, but it is the receiver of much physical, emotional and mental abuse – usually self-inflicted, making it therefore more permissible.
I am very lucky to have always had an amazing, if until recently unidentifiable-as-that, connection with my body. I am not referring to physical appearance here, but rather to my body’s ability to perceive and receive information about situations, way and above that of the recognised biological five senses, although these are how ultimately information is filtered through. I grew up believing I was over sensitive and that this was a “bad” thing. Today, my work as an Energy Bodyworker has brought me full circle and to a deeper understanding and knowing of just how aware and conscious my body is. There is no doubt in my mind that my body has a consciousness of its own, separate from me. Just as you are separate and autonomous when out of your car, your car “belongs” to you and goes where you steer it, when you are driving, so our body is a vehicle for our Essence.
My personal breakthough in being conscious of my body as a separate life form, started way back with massage and reiki, however it was a body modality from Access Consciousness, called the BARS, that finally allowed me to fully embrace this concept and knowing. Applying this process has liberated my body and me from many limiting patterns, both good and not so good. Today, I know that my body has a consciousness of its own and that it is constantly sharing this information with me. It has been me that so often refused to receive it. Unconditionally in service to me, my body created symptoms in its attempt to share vital information with me. For example, experiencing indigestion after eating food that my body did not want or need, pain to indicate where I was cutting myself off from source energy or information, dis-ease to lovingly attempt to get through to me that something I was doing was not in my greater interest.
Today I constantly ask my body what it wants to do, eat, look like and I tell it as often as I can and remember too, how grateful I am for it. My body is an amazing receptor, a great satellite that is picking up information beyond the limitations of my mind and feeding it back to me. I learn a little more each day to be in awareness of this vast sensory information coming to me. I still experience intense energy (otherwise and usually misidentified as “pain”) that is sometime uncomfortable, as my physical body too has to adjust and expand and evolve. Remember that as my vehicle, my body has its own agenda and requires regular fuel and check-ups. Yes, I am a Spiritual Being having a physical experience, just as may body is a form of consciousness having its own experience, as we dance together.
The basic premise in NLP is that to understand your speaker, you need to understand the language he is using. The same applies to your body. So everywhere where you have misidentified and misapplied physical sensation as good or bad, rather than simply your body talk, would you be willing to destroy and uncreate that now please? What will it take for you to hear and understand you body talk?
Here is an except from Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now”, about transformation through the body.
“The fact is that no one has ever become enlightened through denying or fighting the body or through an out-of-body experience. Although such an experience can be fascinating and can give you a glimpse of the state of liberation from the material form, in the end you will always have to return to the body, where the essential work of transformation takes place. Transformation is through the body, not away from it. This is why no true master has ever advocated fighting or leaving the body, although their mind-based followers often have.”
Have fun and en-joy-ment learning to understand and listen to your body talk!