How Complaining Steals Your Happiness

How Complaining Steals Your Happiness

No one likes to think of themselves as a complainer, right? I know I didn’t think of myself in this way and yet…

I noticed a few months back that I was feeling very grumpy and I was complaining more than usual. This in itself was fine, up to a point and initially felt good! And then I realized I was sliding into a repetitive rut and that complaining was stealing my enjoyment and ease in life.

 

How did I become aware of this? Well, my mood mostly, and then I started to tune in to my inner self-talk. Always the best way to gauge where I really am. Negative and defeatest self-talk never leads to success if left unadressed and it feels lousy, to say the least. So I addressed it! Firmly and lovingly – with awareness and humour… and shifted to ways to feel grateful instead. Almost immediately, my mood and self-talk became kinder and felt much better.


To be honest, even optimistic and strong people can be vulnerable to complaining. As humans, our emotional make-up is extremely complex and layered. It’s not about getting it all right and never complaining and more about being aware and knowing thyself well. From my experience, there are always signals that begin to show up as indicators of the direction I’m travelling. This is what Carl Jung, the Swiss Psychiatrist coined as ‘shadow work’ required to make the unconscious conscious.

 

The instances that helped me realize what was actually going on, was when I seemed to come across lots of posts on social media, people complaining! What the heck?! Yup, this is how it can show up and if I wasn’t aware and clear on where I want my emotional and mental compass to be, then I could get sucked in.

 

I can clearly remember my sense of affrontment when many years ago my therapist made me aware of the part of me that was the complainer. What, me a complainer!! No WAY…  Yes, indeed WAY! When I was able to see and acknowledge that a part of me felt comfortable complaining, I was able to make an empowered and conscious choice about this behaviour and pattern. I’m always grateful for clarity about myself!

 

Now, complaining is quite a common although disavowed habit, that can negatively impact our emotional well-being, relationships, and even physical health. As a complainer, we don’t always realize that what we are doing is ‘complaining’ and the impact this is having, until we become aware or have someone else point it out to us. This is NOT about judging yourself or others… it’s about awareness, perception and empowerment.

Complaining can also be a psychological defensive mechanism that occurs when we feel powerless to change something and creates a feeling of ambivalence. Beneath this mindset and behavioural pattern lies a wealth of wisdom about yourself, if your willing to dig and be honest with yourself.

 

To help make the unconscious more conscious, here are some ways that complaining can have a limiting impact longer-term:

 

1. Mental Health:

Complaining can lead to lowered mood and symptoms of anxiety, depression, and a negative outlook on life. This makes it harder to cope with stress and life’s challenges.

 

2. Personal Growth:

Continual complaining can hinder personal growth, causing feelings of irritability, frustration, and misplaced anger. This can show up as physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach pains, and a loss of appetite – ways that our body is letting us know that something needs to be addressed, not medicated, as is often the case. Don’t avoid seeking medical attention however to bring peace of mind.

 

3. Personal Relationships:

Most people don’t like hanging out with someone who is constantly complaining. Complaining behaviour can result in isolation and frustration in others, leading to feelings of loneliness and social isolation.

 

4. Lack Mentality:

Complaining robs people of enjoyment and is a sign of a sense of lack mentality.  There’s often a belief of unworthiness that can lead to financial worries and psychological distress.

 

5. Negative Behaviors and Habits:

Complaining can reinforce negative thinking patterns further and prevent individuals from taking action to address their concerns. No one likes to think of themselves as a complainer and this shuts us off from our awareness to when we do complain, making change seem impossible.

 

I’ve mentioned above how I shifted my mood and want to include some alternatives that can help break free from the cycle of complaining:

 

1. Gratitude Attitude:

Shift your focus from negative to positive aspects of life by practicing gratitude. Find anything that you can feel grateful for… and there’s always  at least one thing, in the Present moment! (Read my blog 4 Breakthrough Steps to Gratitude for deeper insights)

 

2. Healthy Expression:

All emotions are messengers and we honour them, yes even the ‘bad’ one when we acknowledge them. We learn to manage our emotions by venting  negative emotions and honouring how we truly feel. Talking about how you feel in a safe and present way is healthy and not complaining.

 

3. Understand that there is a Cost:

Be willing to recognize the link between complaining and the negative impact on mental, emotional, and physical health. If you need a mentor to help you see the bigger picture, take action. I certainly wouldn’t have the abilities I do today on my own, without the mentoring I received.

 

4. Focus on What You Can Control:

Stop complaining about things you can’t change and take action to address concerns within your control. Complaining steals your power, that’s all!

 

5. Set Your Intention:

Challenge yourself to go without complaining for a set period of time. Start small, e.g. one hour at a time. Initially, simply begin to notice where you complain and how you feel in the moment.

 

If you notice yourself complaining, stop and breathe. No judgement. Take back your power by identifying the triggers that lead to complaining and reflect on your emotions, identify the source, notice patterns, ask for feedback, and be present to your words, thoughs, behaviours. By understanding the impact of complaining and taking conscious action to break the habit, you can improve your emotional well-being and overall quality of life.

Will you stop complaining 100%. Maybe… However, if and when you do find yourself complaining – cause you’re Human right – then you will have the knowledge and skills to manage this behaviour efficiently, in a way that empowers you and sets you free from feeling like a victim.

 

Don’t let complaining steal your happiness!

 

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Trilby Johnson is a Breakthrough Metaphysical Intuitive Mentor offering realistic, practical principles to assist highly-sensitive, intuitive and conscious individuals to heal, thrive and live their desired BIG lives.

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Assessment if you are ready for breakthrough beyond limitation into wisdom!

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

What is the value of YOU?

What is the value of YOU?

In  my role as a Breakthrough Mentor and Metaphysical Intuitive, I often come up against the many ways in which I and others continue to limit ourselves in connection with our values. The polarity of what is or is not valuable!

 

 

Throughout our lives, we strive to uphold our values and the beliefs that stem from these. Yet how many of us are truly aware of these values and what they actually mean and the ways in which they both free and limit us?  Ask a few people what their values are and what these values actually represent to and for them and you open up a real can of worms.

 

Values like respect, love, faith, hate, safety, time, money, etc are the backbone of so much of what we do and choose and yet how many of these values are truly of our own choosing and are they still valid for us today?

 

Here, I particularly want to look at the value of VALUE.

 

How do you value yourself?

Do the ways in which you value yourself add to you and your life?

Do the ways is which you value yourself actually limit you?

When you choose something, or not, does your value system, value YOU?

 

This comes up often, when for example a person turns down a Reiki class for reasons of time and money.

How to argue against these two staunch and valid value systems?

I used to go into the justification of the why and how and when, only to stop myself.

I realized that’s about a value system and a feeling of worth.

 

Where are all the places we use time and money as reasons for not valueing ourselves?

 

And I chose to hold the value that where there is a will there is a way. I found it felt correct to say that I always have the time and money, however, sometimes I choose to spend it on something else.

 

This is an important distinction in my opinion and balances the underlying directive energy that sets the tone and vibration of allowing and receiving.

 

What is the value of a class and learning a new modality?

Is it something that will add to your life and thus your contribution to others?

 

What if the information from the class has a ripple effect in your life, way above and beyond the time and money you spend?

 

What is the value of choosing to pay medical bills rather than learn a bodywork modality that increases body health and awareness? Not only for you, but others as well.

What value do you attach to change and is it something you truly desire?

What is the value of time and money?  How have you made them more valuable than YOU?

I don’t know about you, but many times I have turned something down because the time and money were more valuable to me than ME.  I was not choosing from a place of self-worth and valueing ME and then demanding that whatever was required to make it happen show up. What a crazy way to think!

 

If you’re a practitioner, where have you made the modalities you work with more valuable than leaning something new?

For me, there are no limitations in Oneness and yet within the practitioner field, I am often aware of an unwillingness to explore anything new. What is the value of finding the one modality that works for everything and everyone?

I have played with several modalities and use them all for myself and then my clients.

What’s valuable to me, is the value of how the modality expands and enhances everything in myself and my life.
Definitely worth the time and money, the investment in me – a gift that keeps on gifting…

 

As Neale Donald Walsch wrote, “your Life begins at the end of your comfort zones.” And what is the value of your comfort zones and holding on to them?  How do they validate you?

 

What would your life look like if you choose every day in every way to value the Greatness of YOU, no matter what?

When you align daily with the value of you and what’s of value to you, then infinite possibilities appear…

And if you’re not sure what your values are and would like to release yourself from old values and not sure how, I can assist you in a Breakthrough 1:1 session. Just reach out….

 

In Light
Trilby

 

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Trilby Johnson is a Breakthrough Metaphysical Intuitive Mentor offering realistic, practical principles to assist highly-sensitive, intuitive and conscious individuals to heal, thrive and live their desired BIG lives.

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Assessment if you are ready for breakthrough beyond limitation into wisdom!

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.

Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.

Authentic Relating – the most important relationship you will ever have

Authentic Relating – the most important relationship you will ever have

Do you know how to relate authentically? No secrets here …………. it begins with YOU. The kind of relationship you have with yourself, will impact on other areas of your life. On your health, wealth, relationships, work and spirituality. For truly everything is within before it shows up without.

To create true and lasting change in one’s life and the world, the change starts with oneself. And I mean change as in stepping into or towards total, complete, all-encompassing, unconditional allowance and gratefulness for who we are, in all our complex, confusing, magnificence ….. NOW!

Awareness to what is going on, is the first step and then choosing. So what does this awareness look like and where can it be found? And once aware how can we create the change we desire ?

Whatever is going on in your life, your body, your relationships etc serves as a reflection and offers information as to what kind of vibrational frequency we are at. So, we can get information from these experiences. And from here choose consciously where we desire to travel next and what kind of an experience we are seeking to have.

Plus, there is a whole arena of vibrational frequencies that is just beyond our current level of perception. This is just how energy works. Like a radio station – you have to tune in to the exact frequency to catch the show and when you are in range you can tune in. All that static you can hear, is information that is on another frequency.

Sometimes it’s this static that draws us and that hold the new information we require to take the next step. However, how can we tune in to receive it. As Neale Donald Walsch wrote, “Your real life begins, beyond your comfort zones.”

So what’s it going take to first of all recognise those comfort zones, then know how to choose which are working for you or not, and then choose to focus on what does work?

Often we know we have to choose something different – the signs are all around – however we do not know how to. Choosing a mentor or facilitator is a great choice. I have been fortunate in my life to have received counsel and mentoring from some amazing people and the greatest gift I received was that of objectivity.

A blind spot is a specific vibrational frequency and so having a third person who is inspiring, uplifting and most importantly non-judgemental to guide me to recognising them and how to clear their electromagnetic imprint has been worth the blood, sweat and the tears – leaving space and infinite possibilities. It has given me the ability to be the Observer more and more in my life.

When we are able to stand in a place as the Observer, we are able to see all, without judgement. Meditation teaches us this – for me this is the lesson in the practice of the law of detached consciousness. It gives us the space and tools with which we can see the wood for the trees and opens up an infinite choice of possibility.

My personal journey has been one of learning to love myself 100% – the good, the bad and the ugly. I have and continue to embrace my darker side and to enjoy expanding with it more into my lighter sides. My criteria for choice today are ease and joy. Is this something you would like for you too?

What if you are the one you have been waiting for? And what if the waiting is now over? It is You and the time is NOW!

By the Light of the God I AM
I release all procrastination and indecisiveness
I acknowledge the power to create, the courage to believe
And the willingness to receive the abundance of the universe
I embrace the awareness to actualise my purpose
I release my childhood contract where I felt I had to save myself from myself and others
Now, as an enlightened being, I know that I cannot be all things to all people.
My greatest joy is living my authentic self

(Author Unknown)

Trust this inspires you to know just how valuable you are. And please don’t allow the terminology used and that perhaps doesn’t resonate with you to be a distraction that keeps you once again from authentically relating with your true Essence.


Trilby Johnson is a Breakthrough Metaphysical Intuitive Mentor offering realistic, practical principles to assist highly-sensitive, intuitive and conscious individuals to heal, thrive and live their desired BIG lives.

Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Assessment if you are ready for breakthrough beyond limitation into wisdom!

©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.

Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.