Did you know that public speaking is one of the most frequent and strongest fears that people have? I used to be one of them and here is what I learned. My fears stemmed from memories of numerous failed and embarrassing class speeches that had gone horribly wrong. Additionally, I grew up believing that what I had to say was not interesting anyway. Plus, I hated confrontation and public speaking was the worst case scenario. Can you relate to any of this?
Consequently, for many years I would do everything I could to avoid public speaking in any form and this meant even avoiding speaking up for myself. For a long time, I denied my inner voice that was inviting me to challenge these beliefs and to stand up and speak out fearlessly!
Don’t get me wrong. I did find many creative and ‘safe’ ways of expressing myself. Unwittingly, they have helped me to build my confidence, hone my expertise and most importantly stand in my authority and explore what I am really good at and enjoy. The advent of social media, podcasts, tele-summits, blogging and self-publishing have all contributed greatly to my ‘coaching’.
A key to effective problem solving I have found – and one that addresses all aspects of an issue – is to never face a problem head on! This can create huge resistance and amplifies feelings of frustration and overwhelm and discouragement. For example, if you are driving from A to Z and on the way there is a major road block, you would look for alternative routes and ways to get there, right? Looking for alternatives and solutions is a great way to solve problems and allows other possibilities to show up, which you may not of thought of initially. So what this advent did for me, was that I was actually learning to stand up and speak out, without seeing it as public speaking! This helped removed the fear factor and look at things from a different perspective.
It’s taken many years to finally break through this pattern of fear and shift my mindset around public speaking. Funnily enough, I realized this fully when I recently gave a talk at my local library’s ‘Author’s Evening’ to introduce my book ‘FEARLESSLY ALONE‘ and talk about what had motivated me and why. Was I nervous? You bet! In fact, unusually so. Because this time I was presenting something that was important to me – it wasn’t like those classroom speeches where I spoke about someone else’s ideas – this was about issues that were close to my heart and I felt extremely vulnerable. Yet, I wanted to be able to stand up and speak out fearlessly, even if others were challenging me and didn’t agree. I wanted to present my ideas without being confrontational and yet inspire food for thought and challenge old concepts. And I did just that!
You see, I knew my material well. It was a part of me and my life experience. I was my resource library. To create the mindset I wanted, I looked at all the beliefs that surfaced and I shifted each and every one of them. I also created those I would need as a positive back up – confidence, self-worth, awareness, humour and being willing to be vulnerable. I was able to transmute the fear of judgement of others and the need to be wrong or right. I was there to express my interesting point of view, to offer food for thought and to create connection with those whom my information could support.
More importantly, all the previous online ‘training’ had been preparing me for this moment and as I took action, even feeling really nervous, I was able to connect to that place within where I know who I am and believe in myself. It was such a wonderful and empowering experience! So much so, that it has ignited a burning desire to stand up and speak out fearlessly more often. Who would have thought this was possible? Certainly not that shy and unhappy school girl from way back. It took me six years to manifest this evening and prepare myself mentally and emotionally and spiritually. It all began a long time ago, when my Heart’s Knowing whispered to me, “You can do it!”… and so can you!
Some steps you can take towards standing up and speaking out fearlessly are:
Dare to believe in your dreams, no matter how silly or far away they may seem.
Ask and be willing to receive.
Take the baby steps and actions that come with ease to you.
Change direction as required without losing sight of your destination.
Build a mindset with beliefs that support your growth and that feel good along the way.
Trust that any thing is possible and look for opportunities!
Believe in yourself!
In Light and Appreciation
Trilby
Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.
Imagine if you had a compass that would effectively guide you to what you wanted! Like Jack Sparrow’s Compass in ‘Pirates of The Caribbeans’, which showed the bearer where their deepest desire could be found? This wonderful compass analogy reminded me that it is possible and I have experienced it many times before. I call this compass – synchronicity. Do you know what synchronicity is, or do you call it coincidence or luck? How can you use synchronicity as a compass?
In this vlog. I explain what my understanding of synchronicity is and how I use this a technique to help me align, identify and benchmark occurrences that enrich my life. I had a real-life example recently, which I talk about and which made me laugh.
The magical thing about these events, I have observed, is that the more I became aware of and acknowledged the information that was there, and asked for the clarity in each moment, the more frequently, quicker and clearer it shows up. This allows me to gauge my progress and to fine-tune my vibration and direction and adjust my focus.
Every day is a surprise. There are confirmations of an interconnectivity and synchronicity which inspire, titillate and confirm the inherent comedy of the universe.”
~ Billy Zane
Watch here to find out more.
Now that you’ve watched the video, can you recognize and identify times when synchronicity was working in your life? What are some of your synchronistic experiences in your life? Share in the comments.
Also, begin to notice what shows up in your life over the next days or so – allow yourself to be surprised.
In Light and Appreciation.
Trilby Johnson
Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.
Whilst many people who know the power of beliefs will agree, there is a shortage of people who truly believe they are awesome and who feel really good about feeling this way about themselves. So what holds so many back, when it comes to firstly believing they are awesome and secondly living in an awesome way?
I find many people confuse knowing how awesome they are with being arrogant. Somewhere along the line, in their system of beliefs and values, these two qualities have become collapsed together on some subconscious level and perhaps more importantly, with a negative connotation.
And so they are afraid to show up as awesome because they will be judged by others. And of course, they are also, on some subconscious level judging themselves in a negative way. If this was not so, there would be no problem in showing up as awesome and there would also be little judgment around arrogance either for that matter.
Embracing your awesomeness comes from a system of valuing yourself and feeling confident about what you do and can share with others. On the other hand, arrogance tends to stem paradoxically from a feeling of low-esteem and in order to compensate, the person will often adopt a behaviour of exaggerated confidence albeit one that puts others down and does not listen to other people’s opinions or ideas.
Here’s a quiz.
Think of someone who you consider as awesome. What are the qualities of this person that attract you? Now think of someone who you consider as arrogant. What are the qualities of this person that attract you? When done, ask yourself, who would you prefer being around and why? Write the reasons down and how you feel when with these people.
People enjoy being in the company of people who embrace their awesomeness. The main reason is because these people feel good about themselves and exude charm and confidence. And people will want to spend time in the company of these people. Life is simple too short to spend it not enjoying your own awesomeness and then being with awesome people.
Judgment is a natural part of the mental assessment process. However, you still have the choice as to what choice you are going to make. To play small or to play awesome! What if the only thing that is stopping you from being awesome, or even more awesome, is judgment? What if you gave that up, right here and now? Imagine how organically awesome your life can be! Are you ready to dare to be your awesomeness?
Believe in yourself and allow that to grow. The world really needs your awesomeness right now!
In Light and Appreciation
Trilby
Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.
When it comes to health and happiness, the key is balance and allowing. In the West, health focus is mostly on the physical body and even emotional issues are treated clinically. In contrast, Eastern philosophies on health focus includes aspects of the body, mind, soul – the belief is that all aspects function in an interactive and complimentary fashion. To encompass both approaches, here are 10 tips that have helped me to establish a happy and healthy approach to life and that continue to expand into more.
Make yourself #1 in your life
You must put yourself first. Why? Because you are the only one who can create the right balance of happy and healthy for you. If you are putting other people before you, then you are giving off a signal that you are not important and that it’s okay with you to be bypassed. If you want to change this, then you have to claim your own priority to you. When done in a harmonious way, this already will bring more balance to your life. And if you are a parent, this is an important message that you will be teaching your children. It’s a major step in loving yourself, to being able to show compassion and kindness to others. Don’t worry that you are being selfish as long as you are honest and sincere with yourself this is what is important. Arrogance and self-obsession stems from a lack of confidence, not from self-esteem.
Start where you are I have found when it comes to changing a pattern successfully and sustainably, it’s best to start where you are and make bite-sized adjustments. This helps you to stay present and dispel any feelings of overwhelm and move forward steadily and keep focused on your desired target. As John Heywood said, ‘Rome was not built in a day.’. Give yourself permission if required, to take things slowly. Taking action is what is important.
Set your target What does happy and healthy look like for you? It’s really important to connect to the ‘essence’ of what these words mean to you. Not what someone else has told you. A great way to do this is to ask yourself, ‘what would my life look like when I am happy and healthy?’. Write these down, especially the way you will feel about yourself and your life.
The great thing about setting a target and writing down your desired outcome, i.e. how you want to feel, is that this already prepares your brain for new input and finding corresponding stimuli. It’s also useful as a form of accountability, so you can see how you are progressing. Sometimes you have to look backwards to see just how far you have come.
Tailor your beliefs to suit you
The beliefs you have are important, as they are the building blocks by which you function. I often work with clients who have passed through the medical or traditional systems and are still looking for solutions. They did not buy into the beliefs of others. They are choosing to do whatever it takes and find a way of being healthy that works for them.
Even people with similar beliefs experience life differently. You experience life the way you do for the simple reason that you are unique and you. Only you are experiencing life in the specific way that you are doing it. Cultivate beliefs around being healthy and happy for you.
Eat when you are truly hungry Most things in our society today run to schedule. Whilst this may contribute to a smooth functioning, the human body has its own rhythm. Failure to heed this natural rhythm can lead to ill-health or feelings of dissatisfaction over time.
The next time you feel hungry, try this first. Check in with my body and ask it, ‘are you hungry?’. Did you know that people often confuse thirst with hunger? Your body often requires water before it requires food, yet because we eat so routinely we can override our biology. I always ask the one who knows – my body.
Honour your emotions Whatever emotions you are feeling, you are feeling them for a reason. Take the time to contemplate them and look for safe ways to express and manage them. I have found working with clients, that the biggest cause of disease comes from suppressed and repressed emotions. Hire a facilitator to support you in managing your emotions in a healthy and happy way. Your body will thank you for it.
Do things that makes your body feel good Now if you are in a place of ill-health or feel depressed, this can seem a huge task. There are so many instructions from everywhere about everything, that it’s easy to get confused and feel overwhelmed. Your body generally knows what it requires better than you do, although this is not what we have been taught. In fact, we have been taught to mistrust our bodies, which results in us always being caught on the wrong foot. Your body knows how it wants to move to feel good and how often, just as it knows when it needs to take a nap. Follow that!
Find happy and healthy people who inspire you Notice I say ‘that inspire you’. This means people who have qualities that you would like to upload into your behaviour data bank. Remember making yourself #1? It’s important to have these kind of role models in your life so that you are constantly stimulated and growing in ways that feel good to you. This will make it easier to stay energized and discerning when dealing with other people and situations that may be difficult.
Ask for help
If you are struggling to achieve and experience your ideal of health or happiness, ask for help. Ask your higher guidance, that the right people show up in your life who have the information you require to take the next step for you. Then, trust and allow it to come to you and be ready to receive. Easy to say, perhaps not so easy to do – this is when having a coach or mentor comes in handy. I had to experience burn-out before I learned the lesson to ask for help and hand things over to the Universe at the end of each day. Don’t confuse independence with having to do everything yourself or on your own.
Be Grateful
It’s not always easy to feel grateful, especially if you are down and having a hard time when it comes to lack of health or prosperity. Happiness can seem a long way off. I can remember times when writing my daily gratitude list when all I could manage was ‘I am grateful that I have the desire to be grateful even though it may be difficult in this moment’. There is great wisdom in counting your blessings. Every day there are so many things that are simply taken for granted which are in reality the stuff of magic. Look for the magic and it will appear.
The above list of tips to be a happy healthy you, is of course far from complete. Notice too that I have not mentioned food specifically, because I believe that if you follow these tips, what you eat will adjust itself automatically. These tips have been effective for me in my own personal growth. I have found by applying and following them, the possibility of more health and happiness appears in a myriad of ways and place without effort.
Here’s to your abundant happiness and health!
In Light and Appreciation
Trilby x
Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.
The spiritual relationship. By its very nature, solitary and deeply personal. Where each individual is called to find the meaning of life, for themselves. The importance of the beliefs around this relationship is evidenced throughout history and through the pivotal role that religion has held. Still today, war is waged in the name of religion and spiritual salvation used as the trump card.
In Western society, freedom to choose your spiritual beliefs, is relatively recent. Yet, the desire to belong and be a part of something is very strong for most humans. When this sense of connection is under threat or lacking – especially with regards to spirituality – you can feel alone and vulnerable.
There are many diverse spiritual beliefs and groups. This can often make it seem even more challenging to find and connect with those who have similar spiritual beliefs and who share and express the same values. Making assumptions about how people with spiritual beliefs behave can also result in disillusion.
A part of being different, is celebrating the diverse qualities and talents that make us an individual. As with any situation in life, I believe how we will experience anything comes down to attitude. So if you are feeling alone in your spiritual beliefs, here are some suggestions:
1. Change your Perspective
If you are feeling that being alone is something negative, then it’s very important to question the quality, viability and source of your spiritual beliefs. The very essence of having a spiritual relationship, is meant to connect you more closely with your divine nature – with yourself. If this sense of connection is lacking, then it’s important to dig deeper. Take a look at the content of your beliefs – ask yourself if they are preventing you from enjoying your life and divine nature more? Be honest.
2. Fish out the False Beliefs
One of the primary reasons you may be feeling unfulfilled and alone when it comes to your spiritual beliefs, in my opinion, lies hidden within the misleading information we have all been fed for eons about our origins and divine nature. How this can show up is in a feeling of ‘there’s something wrong with me’ or ‘I must be from another planet, because I don’t fit in anywhere’. I believe these feelings are linked to what I call ‘the myth of separation’. Belief in this myth, whether conscious or unconscious, has left a huge scar in the human psyche. This lie has dealt a huge blow to us as a race, especially in western culture. I offer an in-depth look at the spiritual intricacies of this myth and how it leads to an unhealthy sense of being alone in my book FEARLESSLY ALONE – Stop The Lonely Crisis And Find Your Happy.
In our current evolutionary pattern, for true soul/spiritual healing to occur, resolving this false belief around being alone appears to be a necessary rite of spiritual passage. If you are ready to fully experience the sacred relationship of your divine nature – however that looks to you – then feeling unhappily alone is an indication that your spiritual beliefs need upgrading to support, not diminish, you.
3. Find a Spiritual Teacher
Look for a spiritual teacher who can help you uncover any limiting beliefs and install new supportive ones. One of the important things to realize when feeling alone, is that it is an act of self-love to ask for help. You are not meant to do it all on your own! The Universe is abundant and brimming with life-force energy. There is no way that this excludes you. Only you exclude you. Is that perhaps what makes you feel alone? Reach out your hand and ask for help to transform your body-mind-soul connection.
4. Reframe the game
Reframe how you look at feeling alone. What if, instead of it being something negative, feeling alone means you are on your way?! You have broken free of the conventional dogma that restricts so many. Simply stop judging yourself. When you follow your own intuitive guidance and inner authority faithfully, you gain confidence and comfortably make the right choices for you.
When it comes to beliefs, choose those that lift you up where you belong. Choose to be a Spiritual Warrior who stands strong and firm and All-One.
In Light and Appreciation
Trilby
Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.
Did you know that public speaking is one of the most frequent and strongest fears that people have? I used to be one of them and here is what I learned. My fears stemmed from memories of numerous failed and embarrassing class speeches that had gone horribly wrong. Additionally, I grew up believing that what I had to say was not interesting anyway. Plus, I hated confrontation and public speaking was the worst case scenario. Can you relate to any of this?
Imagine if you had a compass that would effectively guide you to what you wanted! Like Jack Sparrow’s Compass in ‘Pirates of The Caribbeans’, which showed the bearer where their deepest desire could be found? This wonderful compass analogy reminded me that it is possible and I have experienced it many times before. I call this compass – synchronicity. Do you know what synchronicity is, or do you call it coincidence or luck? How can you use synchronicity as a compass?
