If knowledge is power, then having a sound understanding of your emotional makeup can help to manage emotions more successfully and effectively. To make this happen, requires having the right strategies that provide specific results.
As Tom Waits said, “How you do anything, is how you do everything.” And yes, this applies to our emotions too. Often, a part of the solution is understanding what it is you are working with – at lease short term. It may seem obvious but in my book, asking ‘what is an emotion?’ is a great place to start.
Although there are several theories regarding emotions, the consensus amongst psychologists is that there are six basic human emotions.
These are:
Fear
Anger
Surprise
Happiness
Sadness
Disgust
Further research by psychologist Paul Eckman showed that these emotions are innate, universal, and usually expressed through facial expressions. As children grow up these emotions will become influenced through socialization and education. The kind of emotional associations made during these informative years will have a large impact on the way anger and forgiveness are processed and managed later on in life.
On the surface, emotions may seem a given and therefore straightforward. Yet a study conducted in 2007 by Hockenbury showed that there is more to each emotion than initially thought. An emotion is a complex psychological state that involves three distinct components:
A subjective experience
A physiological response
A behavioural or expressive response.
This psychological observation is important when wanting to change an emotion and create a new emotional response and association. Each of these components needs to be addressed effectively, separately. Missing any of these steps leads to emotional incongruency and could explain why people often feel at the mercy of their emotions and struggle to detach.
Humans are extremely complex in their emotional makeup because there are layers and triggers of all kinds involved. From very young, we are indoctrinated about what each emotion means, and we are told when and how it is or isn’t appropriate to feel that way. The lines are drawn and we are expected to operate within them.
Although there are these common agreements, the subjective component is always at play. Each emotion is experienced individually in a myriad of ways and intensities. Think of a few different times when you felt angry. Was your feeling of anger the same each time? What made you angry each time? Was the way you dealt with your anger the same each time? I am guessing that the answer is probably no.
Depending on how you were raised and how other people like parents, teachers, friends, siblings, partners, spouses etc. responded and encouraged or discouraged you, you may or may not feel more at ease with some of your emotions than others. If emotions are mismanaged, this can lead to suppressed or repressed feelings and erratic behaviour. It is impossible to not feel your emotions. How you behave when feeling these emotions and the response this evoked from others will leave a lasting impression.
An important element here is that most behaviour is learned and influenced by the current social and cultural norms. It is founded mostly in judgmental concepts of polarity like good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative. This is the cognitive conditioning that most people use to make their choices. But what about what you are feeling about your emotions? What do you feel about anger and forgiveness for instance?
Immediately one can be struck by the desirability of one more than the other, is this not so? It’s okay to feel forgiveness and not okay to feel anger. This puts us in a position of feeling that we have to choose the more favourable option, in spite of our feelings, which are also valid. One thing is certain though and shown scientifically, everything is energy and energy cannot be destroyed. So how is it possible to turn one emotion, like anger, into another emotion, like forgiveness. The answer is quite simply, you cannot! You can, however, transmute the energy of an emotion, which allows the feeling to dissipate in a healthy and conscious way.
Everything in the Universe emits a specific energy frequency. Anger and forgiveness each exist on two specific and different frequencies and on two different spectrums. To move efficiently and effectively between these different levels requires identifying or establishing a common denominator. Do you know what that is?
You!
You are always the common aspect in your life with the ability to align as you choose and process your thoughts and emotions. This requires being present in each emotion and developing your awareness of what the meaning is for you. Your emotions are your personal GPS system. Don’t let them lead you astray and allow them to control you!
Trilby Johnson is a Breakthrough Healer and Mentor, Best-Selling Author and Speaker who assists her clients to alleviate anxiety, relieve physio-emotional pain and reduce stress levels in their lives, relationships, finances, health, mindset and soul energetics and increase inner harmony and outer balance.
To explore your options for a shift in awareness and to experience breakthrough, book in with Trilby for a Breakthrough Assessment
Odds are that you have, at some point or other in your life. For some, this is a temporary and transient emotion that comes and goes. For others, feeling lonely can be a more permanent and unwanted visitor, that has far outstayed its welcome.
For instance, recent reports from Help Lines for those in need, show an increased number of calls, in particular during or around public holidays, from both people in relationships as well as those living alone.
Loneliness doesn’t discriminate!
Emotions are powerful players in our lives and depending on what and how they make us feel, are considered either friends or foes. Within our societies, cultures and gender roles, we become conditioned early on about what type of emotional behaviour is or isn’t acceptable. Yet, simultaneously, emotions are extremely personal and influenced by an individual’s inner relationship and sensibilities and personality types, such as introverts and extroverts.
Regardless of your personality type, however, it’s important and handy to know what to do and how to respond when loneliness begins to spread its fingers across our hearts and minds, to taint our lives in sad, dull and uncomfortable colours.
Loneliness has the power to disempower us so deeply in the most profound corners of our lives.
I know this because I used to feel constantly lonely, isolated, and totally useless. So, I want to share 5 ways to beat loneliness, that can work for you too!
Here are 5 Ways to Beat Loneliness:
1. Admit How You are Feeling.
This may seem counterproductive at first because it can stir up fear. The fear of being consumed by feeling lonely. The fact of the matter, however, is that until you acknowledge what you feel, you are a slave to it. Many people feel ashamed or guilty to admit that they feel lonely, because of what it may imply. There is a fear that by admitting to something, it makes it true. This is a falsehood!
By admitting what it is you are feeling, you take back your power and can be objective about what’s really going on.
What you won’t own, enslaves you!
2. Give Your Loneliness A Form.
Strong emotions can often make us feel irrational. So, a great way to begin to ‘contain the situation’ in a safe environment and way, is by giving loneliness a form. For example, when you feel lonely, give it a scale of intensity from 1 -10. This is helpful, as it creates a space of detachment from the feeling, while still admitting it exists.
Each time you give a form to your loneliness helps you to see the intensity of your loneliness in a constructive way.
Remember that your emotions are real in your mind/brain and by giving them a form, as in a number, helps you to take a step back and be able to be detached in a healthy way.
3. Dig Deep.
The last thing you probably want to do when it comes to loneliness, is to dig deeper right? That’s fear – False Evidence Appearing Real – talking! And boy, it can feel scary feeling lonely. So, to beat this fear, dig deep and explore what is underneath the feeling of loneliness.
Make a list of all the feelings and thoughts that come to mind, no matter what they are. And practice makes progress, so do this often.
You can only change what you are willing to confront. Healing comes through feeling.
Which brings me to the next key point.
4. Don’t Shoot the Messenger.
Loneliness, like all emotions, brings a message with it. Humans, after all, are highly complex individuals. We are also creatures of habit and so it’s important to find out what is underneath our emotions. There is always a belief system that is attached to an emotional reaction. It’s part of our social, cultural and gender upbringing.
Ask yourself, “what is making me feel lonely?” and explore what comes up. This may sound challenging and requires a good dose of being honest with yourself in a gentle yet rigorous way.
The messenger is you, telling you more about yourself. Stop and listen and you will find that with more clarity the loneliness very often fades into the background and the true issue can be resolved, bringing peace of mind and calm.
5. Change Your Emotional Map.
Did you know that for the brain, all behaviours and emotions are mini programmes running the show? Otherwise called habits. The above keys are an outline on how to change your internal and emotional map. When you do this, your external map will begin to match up.
Allow yourself to stop and ask for directions on the way. You don’t have to beat loneliness on your own. I know from personal experience, that finding the help you need is key to beating loneliness.
Add pit stops of support to your emotional map as you progress and look for new destinations.
I hope you enjoy these 5 ways to beat loneliness. If you would like more tips on how to beat loneliness effectively, my book FEARLESSLY ALONE takes an in depth look at what makes us feel lonely and really afraid and how to break free and find your happy no matter what!
Many Blissings,
Trilby.
Trilby Johnson is a Breakthrough Healer and Mentor, Best Selling Author and Speaker. She offers her clients practical effective life skills and facilitates an energetic inner shift that empowers them to heal by alleviating anxiety, relieving psycho-emotional pain and reducing stress levels in their lives, relationships, finances, health, mindset and soul connection.
With the resurgence of the practice of meditation into my life, through facilitating meditation classes and requests from clients seeking stress release and health improvement, I was amazed when looking up the definition of meditation online, to come across the medical dictionary interpretation.
Here it quite clearly states: Meditation can be used with other forms of medical treatment and is an important complementary therapy for both the treatment and prevention of many stress-related conditions. Regular meditation can reduce the number of symptoms experienced by patients with a wide range of illnesses and disorders. Based upon clinical evidence as well as theoretical understanding, meditation is considered to be one of the better therapies for panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, substance dependence and abuse, ulcers, colitis, chronic pain, psoriasis, and dysthymic disorder. It is considered to be a valuable adjunctive therapy for moderate hypertension (high blood pressure), prevention of cardiac arrest (heart attack), prevention of atherosclerosis (hardening of arteries), arthritis (including fibromyalgia), cancer, insomnia, migraine, and prevention of stroke. Meditation may also be a valuable complementary therapy for allergies and asthma because of the role stress plays in these conditions. Meditative practices have been reported to improve function or reduce symptoms in patients with some neurological disorders as well. These include people with Parkinson’s disease, people who experience fatigue with multiple sclerosis, and people with epilepsy who are resistant to standard treatment.
I don’t know about you, however in all the years that I have sought medical advice, not one GP ever suggested meditation and its benefits. In fact, I was left with the distinct impression that many in the medical professions considered, and still do, meditation to be total rubbish.
Researching more online, I was pleasantly surprised to find countless mention of meditation and its amazing and renowned benefits. So why is it that those in the medical profession are not prescribing meditation more often? I am not advocating for the abolition of medication, however, what about supplementing and complimenting it with meditation sessions?
I know that regular meditation, as in daily, consciously reconnects us with ourself. It is a way of being present. Meditation is so much a part of my life now, that I can hardly remember what it was like before ……….. if there ever was a before.
As an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, I encourage you to take up meditation and next time your doctor writes you a prescription, why not ask him to prescribe meditation as well?
In fact, why wait until you have to see a doctor, start meditation today. I am sure that wherever you find yourself, there is a group that runs meetings, or write down your own meditation and record your own voice speaking it. I offer sessions via Phone or Skype, so the possibilities are infinite.
What if meditating today, will keep the doctor away? I know where I choose to invest my money and time. What about you?
Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.
Is this yet another new well-being technique? I prefer to see it as a different and fresh angle on an ancient philosophy for experiencing relaxation, health and spiritual enlightenment. The Art of Conscious Detachment in my definition is the ability to simple observe and participate in whatever is going on, neutrally, i.e. without judgement. Judgement is a mental function and will always create separation and attachment. The practice of this art is otherwise more commonly referred to as Meditation.
Ask a large cross section of the general public about meditation and very few can give a clear explanation of what it is and how to do it, whilst many shy away from it and refer to it has some spiritual stuff. Over the last several decades, meditation is a New Age term that has become much bandied about, in the West at least. Yet few people actually understand or practise it. Countless informative and valuable books have been written on the subject of meditation, nevertheless today many people are still looking for quick, effective and practical solutions. The days of going into isolation for weeks or months on end to achieve or experience a deep meditative state, are over and beyond the scope of the majority. Although much can be discussed here, in this short article I briefly touch on a couple of underlying premises that will facilitate an easy and effective ability to experience the art of conscious detachment, as well as demystify the myth and hopefully make it inviting, stimulating and do-able to more people. So, let’s take a practical look at this metaphysical state!
Meditation, for many, has a spiritual connotation to it, which can put a lot of people off, as they feel they do not fit into this category. The good news is that the art of conscious detachment is not subjective to whether one is actively spiritual or not. Whilst the New Age movement has done much to promote meditation as a tool for those on a spiritual path, it is also very simply a way of life, as can be witnessed in Indian and Eastern cultures, where people grow up with this as a daily practise.
Now, many people who attempt meditating for the first time, may give up pretty soon because the art of detachment cannot be approached cognitively. Meditation is a paradox, in that it is a state that is achieved through the mind and yet it is not of the mind. It is indeed a cultivated art to reach a state of being in conscious detachment. The challenge come to those who meditate, whether a novice or a veteran, because the second one attempts to empty the mind, is exactly the moment that the monkey mind begins to chatter very loudly and incessantly. Sounds familiar? J Even with regular practise this can still occur, however, it does become easier to seduce the mental mind into releasing its vice-like grip, with practise and regularity, which facilitates the increased experience of conscious detachment.
One of the easiest, quickest and most effective ways to experience this cessation of mind chatter is through something that every human being on this planet does. BREATHING! It is something we all already do in order to stay alive in our physical bodies. Breathing is a built-in reflex, automatically controlled for the most part by the brain. However, it is also one of the few biological functions that we are able to control consciously, within limits. When done with control or focus, a very particular shift occurs, not only in the body but across the board.
In Hatha Yoga, a primary principle is: Where awareness goes, energy glows and where energy flows, awareness goes. A way in which this can be experienced is that with focus on the breath, everything seems to slow down and yet expand simultaneously. Almost like when zooming out with a telescopic lens, one is afforded a view of a bigger picture. When we zoom out by focusing on the breath, the mental mind eases its grip on our awareness and more energy flows in. This creates a greater sense of detachment.
Another side-effect of controlled breathing is that it impacts on hormones which control body metabolism and functionality by carrying signals to and from the brain. For example, controlled breathing is effective for calming nerves or anxiety, as it sends a message to the brain that all is well and to lower adrenaline rush and heart rate.
The way a habit is formed and programmed in the brain is through repetition, which forms new synapses in the brain. Naturally the more you repeat something, the quicker and more automated it becomes. So, with regular repetitive practise neural pathways can be created and reinforced to support and stimulate the state of conscious detachment. Now, this does not have to be a long laborious process or set in stone. So start small – remember to break down the elephant into smaller pieces, as this makes for easier handling.
Sitting down and expecting to know how to experience deep meditation the first time, is setting the bar a bit high and causes unnecessary pressure. If you choose to begin with half a minute of conscious breathing every day, very shortly you will notice how much easier it happens on its own. At first don’t be too concerned with the when and how. Just do it when it pops up into your thoughts and you can also ask yourself to remember to prompt you. Sounds crazy perhaps, but it works. Why not try it?
So, no need to go and sit for hours on end in a dark silent room. Increase the length of time to find your own comfortable routine. A hint: if you feel as if you are no longer getting anything out of the time you spend, try changing the routine, environment and length of time. Just as everyday is different, so will be the quality and time of your meditation, which can be influenced by physical, emotional and environmental factors. Energy is in constant state of flux and as an Energy Being, so are you.
The regular practice of the art of conscious detachment contributes through controlled breathing leads to an increased sense of overall well-being. This is now more widely acknowledged, in particular by the medical world. Some benefits experienced can be: relaxation, improved energy levels, better circulation, restful sleep, reduced medicinal side-effects, more joy, ability to control anxiety, increased appetite, greater sense of peace/connectedness, etc
Now for what reason, would you not choose to have some of this?
Many Blissings.
Trilby
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Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.
Are you someone who suffers from low self-esteem? Then I have great news for you! No matter what you have believed up until this moment, it’s possible to change it. Through the right positive focus and resolving some limiting beliefs and core patterns, you can start right now, here today and feel better about yourself and build a positive self-esteem.
Self-Esteem is the regard in which you hold yourself. A lot is learned from parents, education, culture and intuition. Self-Esteem, in my experience, is very much a question about connection on a physical, mental, emotional and soul level. It’s first and foremost about the connection you have with and to yourself – how you think about and feel about yourself and the manner in which you talk to and about yourself. It’s all about you in fact!
For many years, I struggled with low self-esteem, so I know how horrible this feels. In fact, I used to hate myself and my life was miserable because of these feelings. I believed what others had told me about myself, even although it hurt terribly. What hurt so much, was that I knew deep down inside that all of that simply wasn’t true – and yet I let myself down. Until I found another and new way.
For me to get from that place of not liking or loving myself at all, to where I cultivated a level of high self-esteem, took a while plus a lot of honest introspection. So today, I want to share with you, 3 of the elements that I consciously chose to add to and cultivate in my life, that helped me to boost a high and healthy sense of self-esteem. Here’s what I learned.
1. Element of Self-Love
Having been someone who didn’t love myself very much, I can guarantee you that Loving Yourself is the most important thing you will even do. Not only for yourself – also for the other people in your life.
Then, it’s about how you relate to others in ways that either support or disempower your level of Self-Esteem Boosters. The reason is that, when you truly love yourself and allow yourself to be who you truly are – the good, the bad, the ugly and all the other bits – you are a Gift! You can be confident. You can let go of the doubt, guilt and shame – all of which were probably not yours to begin with.
It took me a long time – through bouts of depression, abusive relationships and situations, suicidal tendencies and many low and dark moments – until I realized that all I really wanted, was to love myself.
So please give your permission today, if you are not yet there, to LOVE YOURSELF. It is soooo important! And only you can take the first step and continuously move forward.
Self-Esteem Boosters is a by-product of loving yourself and not vice-versa! So make sure your are not missing out on this crucial self-esteem booster.
2. Element of Worth
I have worked with so many people, who believe that they are not enough. I used to be one of them. They believe that if they try harder or hard enough, if they give more, if they behave in a certain way, that finally they will be enough … and be worthy of other people’s praise, love, approval, or something else.
I have witnessed it and felt it myself – the huge sense of relief that comes with finally accepting and knowing that I am enough already. That I am worthy. And with this, the knowing comes that we all have worth and are worthy!!!
There is nothing to prove, despite that so many of us have been duped into believing it is something to be achieved or earned. The problems arise when we start to doubt or are led astray by other’s opinions and when we think that we have to DO something to Be Enough. We are enough . . . evident in the fact that Life itself has given us Life. We are enough!
So please, choose to know that you are worthy. This choice to know that you are worth yourself will add and Self-Esteem Boosters beyond measure.
3. Element of Safety
This may surprise many people – I know it did me, when I realized that not feeling safe had a huge impact on my sense of Self-Esteem Boosters. Many of us are so afraid of the judgement of others. Perhaps even more so and subconsciously, we are afraid of our own judgement. I don’t know about you, but I have often been my harshest and most unforgiving critic!
I can remember the acute sense of relief I experienced when I finally let go of judging myself and wanting to control everything … aahhhhh … it was amazing! I began to feel safe.
When you don’t feel safe, worthy, nor love yourself, these mindsets create a gravitational pull to everything ‘out there’ that matches these lower vibes of self-esteem. Life will serve up the very things you often fear, as a sign post of your security vibe. Life will show you often paradoxically where you need to boost levels of love, worth and safety.
When you feel safe, you feel okay much of the time – even when you make mistakes. It feels safe even when you don’t always know exactly what to do, all of the time. It feels safe for you to be You – with or without other people’s approval.
Safety, is an inner state of being. Yes, you can live in a dangerous places – I’ve done that – and even in these situations, you can still feel safe. You can begin by claiming and affirming
I love myself,
I am enough
I am worthy,
I am always safe!
Even if at first you don’t quite believe or feel it completely. Claiming and declaring these will boost your self-esteem no end.
This does not mean there will not be days that are difficult nor that you will not have dips in your Self-Esteem Boosters. Simply no longer feed them and soon you will find yourself bouncing back. You will begin to enjoy the benefits of high self-esteem like feeling more confident, happier, healthier and successful in your daily endeavours.
YOU are your most priceless and valuable commodity! Believe in yourself and your self-esteem will follow. Actively boost yours daily with thoughts, words and actions of love, worth and safety that will nurture a healthy and loving connection and web of self-esteem. This is not to be confused with arrogance!
Hold yourself in esteem – this will help you in experiencing your purpose.
Trilby Johnson is a Breakthrough Mentor and Metaphysical Intuitive, Best-Selling Author and Speaker. Her clients hire her to stop struggling and feeling stuck in body, mind, emotion and soul and move beyond limitation into wisdom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health, mindset and soul connection. Trilby assists in creating new energetic pathways that empowers and assists in resolving core issues.
Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Assessment if you are ready for breakthrough beyond limitation into wisdom!
Is this yet another new well-being technique? I prefer to see it as a different and fresh angle on an ancient philosophy for experiencing relaxation, health and spiritual enlightenment. The Art of Conscious Detachment in my definition is the ability to simple observe and participate in whatever is going on, neutrally, i.e. without judgement. Judgement is a mental function and will always create separation and attachment. The practice of this art is otherwise more commonly referred to as Meditation. 