Did you know that public speaking is one of the most frequent and strongest fears that people have? I used to be one of them and here is what I learned. My fears stemmed from memories of numerous failed and embarrassing class speeches that had gone horribly wrong. Additionally, I grew up believing that what I had to say was not interesting anyway. Plus, I hated confrontation and public speaking was the worst case scenario. Can you relate to any of this?
Consequently, for many years I would do everything I could to avoid public speaking in any form and this meant even avoiding speaking up for myself. For a long time, I denied my inner voice that was inviting me to challenge these beliefs and to stand up and speak out fearlessly!
Don’t get me wrong. I did find many creative and ‘safe’ ways of expressing myself. Unwittingly, they have helped me to build my confidence, hone my expertise and most importantly stand in my authority and explore what I am really good at and enjoy. The advent of social media, podcasts, tele-summits, blogging and self-publishing have all contributed greatly to my ‘coaching’.
A key to effective problem solving I have found – and one that addresses all aspects of an issue – is to never face a problem head on! This can create huge resistance and amplifies feelings of frustration and overwhelm and discouragement. For example, if you are driving from A to Z and on the way there is a major road block, you would look for alternative routes and ways to get there, right? Looking for alternatives and solutions is a great way to solve problems and allows other possibilities to show up, which you may not of thought of initially. So what this advent did for me, was that I was actually learning to stand up and speak out, without seeing it as public speaking! This helped removed the fear factor and look at things from a different perspective.
It’s taken many years to finally break through this pattern of fear and shift my mindset around public speaking. Funnily enough, I realized this fully when I recently gave a talk at my local library’s ‘Author’s Evening’ to introduce my book ‘FEARLESSLY ALONE‘ and talk about what had motivated me and why. Was I nervous? You bet! In fact, unusually so. Because this time I was presenting something that was important to me – it wasn’t like those classroom speeches where I spoke about someone else’s ideas – this was about issues that were close to my heart and I felt extremely vulnerable. Yet, I wanted to be able to stand up and speak out fearlessly, even if others were challenging me and didn’t agree. I wanted to present my ideas without being confrontational and yet inspire food for thought and challenge old concepts. And I did just that!
You see, I knew my material well. It was a part of me and my life experience. I was my resource library. To create the mindset I wanted, I looked at all the beliefs that surfaced and I shifted each and every one of them. I also created those I would need as a positive back up – confidence, self-worth, awareness, humour and being willing to be vulnerable. I was able to transmute the fear of judgement of others and the need to be wrong or right. I was there to express my interesting point of view, to offer food for thought and to create connection with those whom my information could support.
More importantly, all the previous online ‘training’ had been preparing me for this moment and as I took action, even feeling really nervous, I was able to connect to that place within where I know who I am and believe in myself. It was such a wonderful and empowering experience! So much so, that it has ignited a burning desire to stand up and speak out fearlessly more often. Who would have thought this was possible? Certainly not that shy and unhappy school girl from way back. It took me six years to manifest this evening and prepare myself mentally and emotionally and spiritually. It all began a long time ago, when my Heart’s Knowing whispered to me, “You can do it!”… and so can you!
Some steps you can take towards standing up and speaking out fearlessly are:
In Light and Appreciation
Trilby
Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.
Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment if you are ready for go from zero to hero now!
©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.
Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.
You’ve probably heard about the X Factor but have you heard about the H Factors? This is not about the TV show and more about setting your own default value settings so that you will be the star in your own life. When it comes to living a successful life, I believe there are two H factors that you must add to your value system to have this – Happiness and Health!
The motivation behind much of what humans do, is to have these two things in life. All the running after success, love and money is basically linked to these two aspects of life. Ask people what they want most in life and ultimately when you drill right down, it’s about being happy and healthy. Yet for many, these two simple factors are rare or sporadic. Many spend their lives working hard to earn money and make ends meet, only to lose along the way, the very things they have been aiming for in the first place and long-term – their happiness and health. Suddenly, the future can look and feel really bleak.
My new book ‘Fearlessly Alone – Stop the Lonely Crisis and Find Your Happy’ takes an insightful and informative look at how happiness and health are imperative to living a fulfilled life and how to achieve them. It is important to add and prioritize these values in your life, to give yourself a fighting chance at peace, prosperity and a purposeful relationship with yourself and consequently others too.
Your values are a set of core principles that you use in making decision across your life based on importance and need. Not to be confused with your beliefs, which are basically assumptions that we take to be true. A conflict of values can arise when two important values come into play and you have to make an important life decision. For instance, whether to stay in a job you hate and find boring for security because you’ve been there for years, or to go for a new job where you can express your value of creativity and independence but there is less job and financial security.
Throughout your life, you strive to meet your values – like respect, love, faith, happiness, health, family, abundance, time, money, etc – and that are the backbone to so many of your choices. It’s important to ask questions when it comes to the ranking of your values, especially when having a conflict of values. Because there is a reason behind this and it may not always be what you think it is.
Prioritizing and updating your values is very important because you and the situations you find yourself in change. When I did this exercise a few years ago, imagine my astonishment when I saw that happiness and health were not even in the top 10. No wonder there seemed to be a lack around happiness and health. Actively participating in your values settings, helps to prioritize them in your subconscious mind and is boosted further when you set positive intentions. It’s about adding value to your life, when and how it serves you best.
Here is a short exercise to help you identify and update your top 10 core values are:
When it comes to your personal values about happiness and health, the way you feel can offer up wonderful and powerful clues. Tune in to your body and sense where the feelings are physical sensations and what they feel like. For instance, do you feel heavy or light. Your body is the best barometer you will ever have when it comes to making the best life choices for you. Simply because, if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t the best choice – for you, in the moment. Check in regularly as you are constantly changing with each choice you make. What makes you happy or feel healthy today, may not be the same in two weeks time.
The more you clarify your values and the beliefs you hold around happiness and health, the more confident you can be when making important life decisions. Your happiness and health and how you create and sustain them are so important to feeling confident and fulfilled in your life. Incorporating these H Factors into your decisions will put the You into Value! That’s what happened for me, once I did. And the same is possible for you too.
In Light and Appreciation
Trilby
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Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.
Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment if you are ready for go from zero to hero now!
©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.
Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.
Have you ever noticed how you are just cruising along and ticking off those things on your to-do-list – whether for your business or your personal affairs – and you are feeling really good and in cruise mode – when suddenly, it’s like a trap door opens up beneath your feet and you fall into the black abyss? Yet again! Almost as if you had made no progress at all. I know, right! It can be extremely frustrating and disheartening to say the least, even when you can say it happens less often. This is what happened to me recently. Let me explain!
There I was, toodling along in creative mode, feeling really excited and filled with a wonderful sense of accomplishment. I had completed writing for two new projects – my new book ‘Fearlessly Alone’ and a collaborative project. Phew! (Which is the reason I hadn’t written any blogs in a while and I had wanted to stay totally focused on getting these done.) Now, I found myself suddenly with heaps of more time on my hands, as you do when you complete a big project and are working to a deadline. There was a lot of empty space – to enjoy and for new stuff to come in. And it did! Some really great and easy new stuff and some not so new stuff, obviously still hidden in the dark recesses of my subconscious and that needed to be looked at in a new way. And yes, ouch that hurt!
What really intrigues me when it comes to Awareness, is that being ‘aware’ enables me to access pools of information all of the time. This is a relief to the perfectionist in me, because it means I don’t have to learn everything – all I have do is tune in to my Awareness and allow that specific information to show up. Of course this attitude means I have to give up the need to control every single little aspect of everything. All of which is fueled by a fear of failure. Now, I am not going to lie and say that this always runs smoothly. Cause just like those little emoticons that pop up on your screen, when strong emotions are at play, it can make for a rocky day. So it helps me to have a strategy for firstly coping and then resolving. Sounds good, doesn’t it! And so how can this hurt, you may be wondering?
A while ago, I signed-up for breakthrough session with a coach whose work I have participated in and whose expertise I respect and admire. So I was looking forward to the 30 minutes conversation and hoping for some more clarity around a specific issue. You know, one of those areas in my life where I still felt like I ‘had to work on myself’. It was not five minutes into the call and conversation, when my mood took a sharp nose-dive and it felt like I was floundering. By the end of the call, I hung up feeling really down in the dumps and filled with doubt. What had happened?! Where had my sense of inner calm and accomplishment vanished to? Allow me to share.
Just like many people, I have my ‘down’ moments and experience feelings of doubt, fear, anger at times – it is part of the human experience. Thank goodness though, that I have the strategy that I mentioned earlier above, because here Life had presented me with an opportunity to apply it – take it for another test run. In other words, a curve ball. I was faced with an opportunity to grow. I knew there was something positive and insightful to take away from this situation and that would reveal to me, my inner workings and how they were derailing me and looking for fine-tuning. Whereas previously, these kinds of moments would last for days, if not weeks or months and become situations, nowadays I am happy to say that whilst they hurt in the moment, they no longer lasted very long anymore. The highs and the lows are becoming more harmonious!
Now, if you don’t yet know me or my story, then I want to share that ‘walking my talk’ is an essential and practical part of how I choose to experience Being Me. It is also an important part of the ‘know how’ that I teach, about how to move away from overwhelm and stress and move into a place of being able to make choices calmly and confidently in daily life. Fortunately, I had recorded the conversation, so I could go back and listen. I was curious as to what had triggered this downward emotional spike and so I listened to the replay. And I got real clear on the reason that it felt Ouch, That Hurt!
What was evident to me when listening back over the conversation, was how, after the first few minutes, the way I spoke about myself and my situation came from a place of victim mentality and focus. It was a real eye opener for me, to listen to the way in which I spoke about my situation during this call and what I had focused on. Furthermore, I had doubted myself and where I was at on my timeline. I had allowed myself to become distracted! No wonder my feelings had plummeted! And thank goodness they had. My inner alert system is working well. I had to listen to the replay for a third time – this time with conscious detachment – before I felt my inner calm and energy once again. It no longer hurt!
What did I take away from this experience?
I am so grateful for this experience that brought me greater understanding of myself!
Can you identify an area or situation in your life where you felt down or heavy and then something wonderful emerged later on? Where you turned your Ouch that hurt, into a Yay! ? Choose to believe that not only does Life have your back – you do as well! Re-member that you are the vital part of your Equation.
In Light and Appreciation
Trilby
Trilby Johnson is an Emotional Breakthrough Mentor, Author and Speaker whose clients hire her to go from emotional zero to emotional hero, as they heal, alleviate stress and cultivate emotional freedom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health and mindset. She shares her knowledge of how to create inner harmony and outer balance with those seeking to deepen their self-knowing and expand their consciousness.
Contact Trilby for a Breakthrough Alchemy Assessment if you are ready for go from zero to hero now!
©Trilby Johnson. All Rights Reserved. Copyright Prohibited. Please share any part of this article with reference to this original blog.
Disclaimer: Any information shared here is not a substitute or replacement of any medical, psychological, legal or financial advice.
Is distraction stealing your life away? Talking with a friend a few days ago, we were discussing the busyness over the Christmas and New Year period and how this can distract us from our true resolutions. Whether you actively participate in the festivities or not, you are bound to be affected by this time of year and through those around you. It’s about this time in January that the fervour is over and life begins to return to a more sedate pace and when a true state of reflection and a perhaps more plausible setting of targets is possible. Remember, even when it comes to choosing what you wish to add or release from your Life in this exciting new year, timing is everything. If you do not take the appropriate time to sit in quiet and conscious reflection and then begin to map out your plan of action, you may experience – yet again – that distraction is stealing your Life away.
Yes, it’s written there in the word itself! Can you see it? Distr-action is there to distract you from taking action. Focus is so easily lost as we are bombarded nowadays with information and calls for action from all sides. But how much of what you do is in alignment with what you really – and I mean REALLY – desire for you and your Life? Whilst humans have developed the ability to multitask in so many ways, the more I have really looked into the importance of focus – the ability to be fully conscious in activity – the more I see the distraction inherent within multitasking. As a massage therapist I learned that touching or massaging two different areas of the body at the same time, causes the brain to ‘defocus’ and creates a – in this case – a deliberate state of distraction. As you are not able to focus on two things at once, with equal attentiveness or consciousness, your cognition will be channeled to the most predominant stimuli being experienced. Which in the instance of massage is relaxation, or in other words relief from tension. So it stands to reason that when you are doing two or even more different tasks at the same time, this causes the brain to defocus and can actually become a distraction that can lead to error or inaccuracy. The ability to maintain an overall main focus is very powerful and creates a force that not many will dare to mess with or confront. This does not mean that focus has to become obsessive and over thousands of year’s the human brain has evolved to make repeated behaviours more habitual, thus streamlining and automating the small stuff. Whilst handy this may not always be optimally beneficial! If you still find yourself having to make the same old same resolutions each year to improve yourself, then it is highly likely that you are allowing distractions like diet, jobs, shopping, relationships, issues of lack around money, health and love to steal your Life away.
So how can you get your Life back? I have found that beginning each day with a declared point of focus helps me to stay calmer and more productive. I keep a sharp eye out for those distractions which creep into conversations, give priority to mobile phone calls, enticing activities that have nothing to do with my daily target. For example, busy with writing my next book for publication later this year, I know that instead of blogging, I wish to focus on writing my book. When I move my focus from writing content that needs to go into my book rather than in a blog or social media, I have to watch it. So I looked for a win-win solution by writing this blog about distractions and touching base with my readers at the beginning of this new year. Then get back to writing focused content for my book.
Make a list of your daily targets and tick them off as you get them. This is taking action. Even if you do not complete your list, keep at it. This is still meant to be fun. It is also a great way to acknowledge and celebrate all that you do achieve. Whatever you do, do it fully present! That way distraction has less chance of sneaking up on you and into your life.
Another great reminder is to notice your breath. Usually when you are in a place of distraction, your body responds to this. So by observing your breathing, you can get an idea of where you are on the scale of allowing yourself to be distracted. The choice to stop and take the action of consciously breathing then allows you to refocus and take the action out of distractions. The act of breathing focuses you back into my body. And then you are able to choose again from a place of focused attention and step out in alignment with your daily aspirations, rather than alongside them. Don’t let distraction steal your focus inappropriately. Follow your breathe – it knows the natural rhythm of the present moment.
Action is something that happens NOW. Whatever comes after that towards reaching a goal is detail. It chops and changes, but when you are totally present, it just becomes a part of the flow. Each moment is tremendously precious, not because you may miss out on doing something, rather because it is a moment of pure creation made available each and every second. Start thinking about it in this way and asking yourself – which helps to keep you present and focused – what would I like to create with this?. Time abounds with creative instances and with your consciousness, you breathe form into being.
May you make and take focused action, so that this year is full of YOU, as you step out and embrace your Life. The world needs you to be living fully here and now. This is why you are here at this time. Distraction steals this knowing from you. Put a stop to it.
Many blessings and in love and light.
Trilby