What’s the value of being “nice”?
Everywhere you are being “nice” in your life, would you like to give that up now please? I can’t hear you, so I am just going to assume that you chose to say “yes”. If you did not, well then the rest of this blog will probably not be of interest to you.
It was recently brought home to me that my whole life I have been striving to be nice. Of course underlying this was the fear of rejection and not being good enough. I have bent, twisted, contorted, deformed myself in so many ways to try and please others and to be nice, so that I would be ……….. accepted and acceptable. Well, not only did all those contortions bring me aches and pains, however they left me in a state of disrepair and disconnection with myself. I thought that if I could be nice enough to everyone then, I would be acceptable and ultimately loved and lovable. For me, NICE meant – Not into Conflicting Energy.
I spent many years of my life confused as to why despite my niceness, people still did not respond or treat me like I wanted them to. Nothing manipulative in that train of thought now is there? So, not so nice after all 🙂
A while ago whilst listening to a talk, the speaker mentioned volcanoes and how volcanoes are the only way in which new earth mass is created. Now there is enormous conflicting energy when a volcano erupts, as the very layers of the earth are melted and ejected through the earth crust. And this gives rise to new territory. How many people shy away from conflict because it gives rise to confrontation and haven’t most of us been taught that that is not very nice!
An empath, I feel conflicting energies very keenly and this has caused me much confusion until recently. I thought, that if I was nice and people responded in an un-nice way, well then I was the root of all evil and it was my fault. I would try even harder to be nice to them and ostracise myself at the same time for not being “good enough”. I took the notion of responsability to the extreme, where my 50% of the interaction equalled 100%. STOP! This was brought home to me recently in a way that I really got it. (That’s why I am writing this blog). Whilst being polite and respectful whilst in a training situation, I observed that my questioning was being regarded as a sign of “stupidity”. Now that’s not nice. So what could I do to change this?
Well, I am happy to say, that I have chosen to exacerbate the situation even more by being me – that includes the good, the bad and the ugly. I am going to be so irritating with my questions and feed the idea that I am stupid. I actually find it extremely humourous! Why? I for some strange reason jumped to the assumption that people actually are interested in connecting with others and getting to know them, that a supervisor really wants to support and build up others, to find fulfilment in their own daily lives, and that others’ aim in life is to be nice. Isn’t that NICE?! All that is nice about it, is that it made a not so nice ass out of me. I assumed that everyone else was like me and wanted what I did. Oops. The only one like me is ………… me. So what to do?
Happily, I finally grew tired enough of wanting to please everyone and have handed back others their 50%. People are choosing to be what they are. Nothing I do or say can change that. All I know is that I have to live my life for me. Each Soul does not actually care whether the personality is a nice or not nice one. Did Hitler’s Soul judge him? I doubt it. For the Soul everything is simply an experience of being. How are we to understand cruelty and murder and genocide if we do not go there? Yet our personality likes to pretend and judge and well, as far as I am concerned gets us in a not so nice mess. I am not condoning certain behaviour more than any other and can only add the reminder that when we point the finger, there are more fingers pointing back at us.
There is no way that I can ever please everyone. I am lucky if I manage to please even 5% of the people that I interact with in my life time – and yes this does include family members 🙂 How can I not be disliked and rejected? The odds are stacked up against me regardless, or are they? What if I can find freedom within these odds? If the odds of my pleasing others is so low, well this gives me the freedom to do and be who I like, simple because I will never please sufficient numbers anyway and hell, I might as well be getting what I desire out of my life whilst I am living it, no?! Today, NICE means Now In Concious Expansion. What others think of me, is none of my business and whether I am included or excluded matters not, because I always will be in the best of company, if I choose it now – my own. I Am everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. I Am the Enlightenment that I Am.
I Am Now in Conscious Expansion. For those of you who wish to journey beside me – welcome and fasten your seat belt. As for the rest, enjoy your expansion.
All I know is, that’s the way this NICE cooky crumbles …………….
With gratitude and light.
Trilby.
www.beyuwellbeing.com
Mirror Mirror, on the wall …. what is the meaning of it all?
What does a mirror do? It mirrors or reflects objects or a scene back. It simply throws up a reflection of whatever happens to be situated just in front of it. It is a snapshot of an specific area. It does not contain information about the time or place or context of anything that is going on outside of this perimeter. The mirror is impartial in what is reflected back. It is only when meaning is assigned to what is reflected back, that we begin to find out who is the fairest of us all. And then again, who is the judge of what is fair or not? Well, if you happen to be looking into the mirror, that would be YOU.
So my question then is, what exactly is being seen and reflected back? Well, everyone will see something different, determined by their focus, attitude and current mood or situation. For example, one day you can look at yourself and feel good with what is reflected back at you and another day, although you may have exactly the same clothes on, you may not feel so good about what is reflected back. So what makes the difference between one day and another?
Well, quite simply – attitude or interpretation. Because we believe that what is being reflected back to us is the reality, we forget that this reflection is actually just an inverted mirage being held up in front of us. It is our interpretation of “the facts” that will determine the fairness of it all, so to speak. In other words, our definition.
The information is not in what the mirror is actually reflecting back to us, but rather our interpretation of it. The meaning that we attach to what we see, how we feel about it, which is influenced by time and space and what we are looking to see. Remember, people tend to see and hear what they want to see and hear. This is because the brain works by matching up items. If you have been feeling ill or tired, the tendency is to search for matching criteria that will support this state. This is all well and good, yet to create change or redefine, there is an important step here, that must not be overlooked. The step of choice!
Let us look at the fairy tale Snow White from which this saying originates. The story unravels to reveal that whilst on the outside the Queen appeared beautiful, on the inside she was vain and suffered from feelings of inferiority and lack. So, what is reflected on the surface, is not necessarily the whole story and is very subjectively relative and relatively subjective.
In my own personal awakening, this metaphor about the mirror being a reflection of myself, has taken quite a bit of reflection. No pun intended! 🙂 A common “New Age” explanation given is that we can only see in another, that which we are. That’s fine, however, where the danger lies is when there is a judgement attached to this. It is the judgement about whether this is good or bad, right or wrong that locks in the energy that will call forth matches. The instant we classify or label something, we actually own it and then this is what will show up. Until we re-assess. Well, if you are like me, I didn’t get this awareness about re-assessing until lately. If our default definition is faulty, then we need to redefine the definition. Download the latest upgrade! And who determines the validity of this upgrade?
Recently, I have found myself contemplating the role that creation plays in this. As a creator, am I limiting myself with labels and definitions and how up to date are they anyway? What if the message of the mirror was an invitation to expand beyond the current definition of what I see, feel, think and be and create my own brand new world?
Since I have moved into this new awareness, guess what? The mirror on the wall is giving me a more expanded and fairer view. Yes, a mirror does reflect facts back to us, however, our interpretation of what the facts actually mean, is in our own hands. Now that’s the fairest I’ve heard in the land ………….
In Light and Appreciation.
Trilby
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Trilby D. Johnson, is a Transformational Author and Body-Brain Balancer, who mentors health conscious women going through life-changes to get their body and brain back on board with them so they can enjoy pain free release and transition easily and quickly and begin enjoying the best years of their Life.
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The Struggle with Struggle
Am I addicted to struggle? Is my life-long search to find myself a part of this? Definitely! At least up until NOW 🙂 There is a drama and intensity in struggle, I have found. It appeases the Doing-Part of me. Yet, my Being just waits on the sideline, peaceful, calm, allowing, knowing that the struggle is part of the illusion ………….
Whilst in total gratitude for the many authors, songs, personal development techniques that have lead me to this moment, there is, I know a fine line between true Being and struggling to Be. Not quite the same dynamic. I also stand in my knowing that each modality has been a step on the journey and not the journey itself.
I stood proudly in my struggle to be better, to resolve my problems and in my efforts to BE-COME.
BE-COME what? I Am already. The illusion that one needs to become anything is that which creates the struggle. Like a dog chasing its own tail – fun for a while, usually just ending though and leaving one with a few tufts of hair between the teeth and having had a few moments of fun perhaps ……
The White Book by Ramtha, is basically about struggle. The struggle to BE. Well it makes for an interesting Life, but what if interesting is not enough? What if there is more to Life than just interesting? Struggle can be interesting up to a point, however, it can also become the yoke around one’s neck. Struggle stems from the desire to be perfect. Perfectionism is not something in the present moment – it is the brain’s way of keeping us in continual conflict, struggle and polarity. Why?
Because, the bottom line or underlying energy of struggle is that of lack. Is there ever not enough or the possibility of something more, however, coming from that space of expansion and not limitation? There are always more stepping stones, winding ahead into greater possibilities. Release the struggle means choosing to stay on the same step or take the next ……. one step at a time …….. the time of choice is NOW! Take a deep breath and just breathe in and out ……. there is no answer ……… just BE-ing ………… without struggle …………………
Gratitude and Light.
Trilby
Trilby Johnson, is a Well-Being Facilitator, living and working in and from New Zealand. If any of the modalities that she uses resonates with you, please contact her via her website.
The FREE Price Tag
FREE! Wow, has this been brought into my awareness over the last few days!! I thought I would do like most others and follow the marketing tips by offering some free coaching sessions. Admittedly, with the intention of drawing more people in. I could just see them just discovering what a wonderful experience this was and then of course, signing up for more coaching. I really thought people would just jump at the chance to experience this. Right? Uh, not quite!!
Firstly, I had no fish biting at all. Mmhhhhhhh. Not good enough bait? So I started asking questions. What was right about this that I was not getting? What showed up?
1. I felt deflated that no one had even responded. Where is the joy in that?
2. I fell into self-doubt, which is the ultimate attitude of lack. Where is the joy in that?
3. I tried to cognitively understand the cause as to why people would not jump at this free offer. Where is the joy in that?
4. I did actually facilitate two free sessions and the feedback was – honestly – nothing had changed. Of course, I took full responsability for this outcome – both mine and theirs. Generous or stupid? Where is the joy in that?
OK, so is it only me that’s sees a pattern here? Where is the JOY!!
This has been such a valuable lesson for me. Basically, how much do I value what I do? Am I valueing myself and standing in my joy when I give my services away for FREE or no thing?
Isn’t the Universe or LOA, wonderful? The information is always there and it will continue to show up in a myriad of ways – until we finally get it. For me, it was someone asking me this question: what is the value of giving away your sessions for free? GLOP!!This brought me up short, to a stockstill stand. There was no value and there was no JOY.
What I got out of it:
1. I am valuable and so are the gifts that I offer.
2. Anything FREE is not valuable enough to shift anyone’s belief. It’s simply too easy and therefor cannot work, thus has no value.
3. In the grand scheme of things, there is always an exchange of some kind. This is Law. It just probably never shows up like we expect it to.
4. My work and time is valuable. This involves my greatest commodity – my attention. So, to honour the exchange of energies, my time = money.
Now, knowing all this is of true value – and it did not come for FREE, but with blood, sweat and tears.
I Am Valued and Valuable. I Am supported and acknowledged in all I do, by My-Self, and Others.
In Gratitude and Light!
Trilby