Emotions are very much a part of our daily lives and are deemed to be what distinguishes us from other ‘animals.’ Yet they can also be what trips us up again and again, as long as we are slaves to them, rather than their master. For much of my life, I was on a series of distressful emotional roller-coasters that eventually resulted in mental and emotional health issues. Long-term these impacted on my relationships, jobs, finances, health and mindset. Until one day, over feeling miserable and broken, I said, ‘No More.’
To change, I sought out information and professionals to help me acquire the skills I needed and that I hadn’t received while growing up. I was thirsty for knowledge and wanted to learn how to be happy without feeling like life was an emotional roller-coaster that was out of control.
Here are 5 Ways to be Free of Emotional Roller-Coasters that I Found to Work:
1. Keep Off the Ride:
This may seem obvious and yet it’s often overlooked. It’s important to know what pushes your buttons and to then manage situations and people you allow into your life. How often do you get that little niggle inside and you ignore it? This is where the roller coaster ride begins – when we don’t heed that inner knowing of what is and isn’t good for us. This often occurs as we are afraid of being judged, failing, not fitting in or being wrong.
It’s important to notice and acknowledge all emotions, whether they are considered good or bad. They are messengers of the programmes playing out in our heads and which we are often indoctrinated into as we grow up, through parents, society, culture, and religion.
Get to know and manage your own personal emotional states, which will mean that you can make more informed decisions and be able to manage yourself with more confidence.
2. Meditate on A Regular Basis:
Meditation is a great preventative measure when done on a regular basis, as it helps the brain to actually have the time to organize information with you aware. Practised regularly, this helps diffuse and process volatile emotional energies before they get out of control.
Contrary to what many may believe or have been instructed, I found attempting to meditate when you are in the throes of strong emotions is futile. It’s like blowing on a fire that is already out of control in an attempt to put it out. Don’t try to meditate when you are on an emotional roller-coaster as this can feel like things are actually getting worse!
Wait until you are feeling calmer before you sit down to meditation.
Meditation helps to install a practise of being able to respond more calmly and mindfully to daily events.
3. Count to 10:
Ever heard Grandma say this? Well, she was definitely wise and onto something. It’s always wise to avoid taking action or making decisions when on an emotional roller-coaster. We have all experienced the damage one can do when under strong emotion and the regret that follows.
Emotions, especially strong ones, can swamp the brain, as it becomes flooded with physical reactions and then the brain is challenged on which reaction to prioritise. When stopping to count to 10, this gives the body a short lapse of time that opens a window in the brain, to move from flight and fight to more logical processing.
4. Stop and Breathe:
This simple yet powerful tool continues to be underused. When I say ‘take a breath’ to clients they laugh or make some cryptic comment – at least at first. And yet, stopping to take a breath changes everything.
Firstly, the act of stopping stops you. Use the previous point of counting to 10 to help you stop. Do this physically – pull over in the car, leave the room, stand up if sitting or sit down if standing. Change your physical stance.
Next, focus on taking a big conscious breath. Take several until you feel something shift. If the emotions begin to bubble up again, acknowledge them and make a conscious decision to deal with them at a later time once you are calmer and can think straight.
The mind is a great selection tool when calm and clear and not clouded by strong emotions. A clear head allows you to make a more informed choice and choose how to behave appropriately. Stopping and breathing will give you the time to choose.
The more often you practise stopping to take a conscious breath, the more you will unlock your secret weapon to stress release. I invite you to access my free audio DESTRESS DETOX RELAX now.
5. Learn Empowering Life Skills:
Hire a mentor or coach to learn the life skills you are missing. Most of us have not be taught how to manage our emotions in healthy ways and so we keep on repeating the same behavioural patterns. Until we replace the pattern with something new and different. If you struggle with emotional overwhelm often, there is no shame in seeking out support.
You’ve probably heard the saying, “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” well, neither was your emotional make-up.
Here are A Few Examples on How to Slowly Increase New Life Skills:
Read a wide range of articles on emotional intelligence and techniques.
Keep a journal of your own emotions and write about them – putting things down on paper is very empowering and it also keeps you accountable.
Make friends with your emotions – it’s easier to install change in a friendly environment.
Talk to other people and listen to their stories – it helps give a bigger picture.
As humans, we love to have meaning in our life… to feel the thrill… which can sometimes be found while on roller-coasters.
It’s not everyone’s cup of tea though, and especially if you end up feeling derailed emotionally most of the time.
Life is not meant to lived as a constant roller-coaster ride, at least in my opinion; it’s meant more to be about gentle rises and falls and ebbs and flows. The above suggestions can help in learning to master emotions in ways that are healthy and beneficial to you and those around you, so that there’s more freedom and enjoyment rather than drama at the expense of one’s sanity and well-being.
Trilby Johnson is a Breakthrough Mentor and Intuitive, Best-Selling Author and Speaker. Her clients hire her to stop struggling and feeling stuck and move beyond limitation into wisdom in their lives, relationships, finances, emotions, health, mindset and soul connection. Trilby assists them in creating and experiencing new energetic pathways that lead to breakthrough and beyond.
Now, before you think that I have a drinking problem, Merlot is a beautiful black soft silky smooth female cat and not a bottle of great tasting red wine. We adopted each other a few months ago and I knew at the time that she would have a big impact on my life. It had been over 2 decades since I had shared my life with a feline personality and it has admittedly taken me a few weeks to learn and re-familiarise myself with some of their amazing and unique peculiarities. For indeed, they are a personality – as any cat lover will tell you. Cats are after all, renowned for their particularities. And yes, either you love them or you don’t.
So what has Merlot taught me.
1. Cats are not dogs
Well, yes I may be stating the obvious here, however, there is quite a distinctive difference. After all, the generalism is that dogs are givers and cats are receivers. So yes, I do get a bit peeved when I feel like a cuddle session and well, it is just not on Miss Merlot’s agenda. Admittedly, she is really patient with the crazy lady (that’s me by the way :-}) who picks her up far more than necessary for cuddles. Her body language is quite distinctive though about whether she is up for a cuddle session or not. Trying to cuddle a squirming and clawing bundle of fur is a challenge in itself.
Lesson: Everyone is unique and different
2. Just sleep until something really interesting comes along
Now Merlot is quite a house cat and she does love company. She is thrilled when I get visitors, so that she gets to see faces other than my own. Although when they arrive she does this bizarre disappearing act, only to appear ten minutes later with the air of just having stepped out of a limousine. Don’t you just love how cats can pull that off?
Used to having male cats earlier in life, who were more out of the house than in, Merlot hangs around a lot. And what does she do – well sleeps of course. I am amazed at how she will just settle down anywhere – along a wall, in the middle of the floor, on top of a cupboard, behind a curtain – and just sleep. The sleeping positions are a wonder to behold – from fully extended in a stretch, relaxingly contorted in some corner, hiding in the closet, to curling up in a seemingly impossible tight ball. Of course, all this relaxed lethargy vanishes within seconds when something esteemed interesting happens and she is off in a flash. No warm up required there.
Lesson: Rest is important and there is very little in life that is actually worth losing sleep over. So relax!
3. Be Self-ish
Cats are renowned for their particular presence and Merlot is no exception. She is the centre of the Universe, at least her own and she just expects everyone else to know this. She does not doubt herself or second-guess herself or do any profound soul searching. Just just is. If she’s in a grumpy mood, she’s grumpy. If she wants some quite time, she will find a quite spot. If she wants to eat, she will find food or make sure that her food provider (that’s me usually ;-}) takes care of things. When she wants to cuddle, she comes to cuddle.
I just get such pleasure from observing her and she has certainly contributed to me relaxing more and just going with the flow.
In our society, we have been brainwashed into thinking that doing what we truly feel like doing, is being selfish and that this is a bad thing. I watch Merlot and am filled with admiration at just how truly being selfish actually uncomplicates things and allows others to be themselves. That’s of course if one can get past the judgments and conditioning and takes responsibility for one’s behaviour and attitude.
Lesson: Be you and change the world.
4. Don’t sweat the small stuff
Yes, Merlot does get up to cat things – like sharpening her claws on my mattress base and on my beautiful carpets – in spite of the fact that she has a few trees outside and her tree inside on which to practise this. She will jump up to places that are not where I wish to find her and has turned that soft paw come sharp clawed weapon on me, just because she felt it was appropriate without even offering an explanation, I might add. So yes, I have growled at her (not like a dog though, at least not yet) and she has taken off at high speed, just because she can.
What I love about her – she doesn’t hold a grudge. Now I can hear you males out there sighing in understanding and longing, because well let’s face it that’s what females do – and they are often quite good at it, n’est pas? Well, as a female myself, I can vouch for the weightiness of holding and bearing grudges. There comes a point where it does just get all so heavy. So Merlot is like a breath of fresh air, as she will often turn up a few minutes later and be so totally over it. Her only concern – what’s next. It’s truly delightfully liberating.
Lesson: Don’t sulk and hold a grudge. Life is too short.
5. The healing power of touch
Since having Merlot in my life, my awareness of what this means has taken on a new and whole different dimension. I have always loved the contact of touch – probably why I so enjoy giving massage. There is a beauty to the moments though, when Merlot comes for her cuddle session. When listening to Dee Wallace’s I Am talks, she has often used the example of thinking of one’s child or pet, to reconnect us with a sense of total gratitude. I really get this when I cuddle Merlot. It is as if we melt into each other and I feel my heart chakra fill up and overflow. And Merlot just receives and in her receiving, she allows and honours my gifting to her. These are moments of pure unconditional being.
There is something so soothing, comforting and grace-filled that occurs when I touch her beautiful soft silky fur. When I touch her, I am touched and moved within my Being.
Lesson: Giving (or gifting) is receiving and receiving is giving
6. Communication is beyond words
Merlot, is a real talker. She will miaow for this and that and sometimes just for nothing really. Whilst sometimes, I get what she is saying, there are moments where, well, she is just expressing herself. She will just look at me with those big green eyes of her’s, with such intensity, that I know she is sharing something big. Of course, most of the time, I have no idea what she is going on about. But, is it really so important that I understand her, or is it more important just to listen to her? After all, are cat’s that much different to people, in that we sometimes just desire to share something with another?
And then of course there is the body language. Well, I find Merlot has the most fascinating tail. It really is like a receptor. And it is seldom still. I think with her, the code book for what tail movement actually mean according to humans can be thrown out the window. She has a tail language all of her own and she changes it as the days goes along. Even sometimes when asleep, the tip of the tail is still moving. Perhaps she was a dog in a past life? MMMMmmmmhhhhhh.
Lesson: Communicate in your own unique way and just know that those who are looking for what you have to say, will hear. People do truly hear what they want to. Mia culpa.
7. I Am that I Am
All animals are beautiful and grace us with their particular uniqueness. However, I do believe that cats personify this so wonderfully for us humans. It is no wonder that the ancient Egyptians worshipped them as gods, for their is something very regal in their bearing is there not? Even when they are acting like crazy, hissing, spitting, furballs of clawed energy. I think cats just do everything with flair. They act like the world revovles around them and so of course it does. They are such great examples of creating your reality and then know what you asked for is done.
I know that for me, Merlot has taught me so much already and continues to contribute to my life everyday. She is often a reflector of me and when I look at her, I can read what kind of vibration I am giving off. She provides me with companionship simply by being around and with her presence.
Lesson: I Am Perfect just the way I Am and so is everybody else
8. Energy follows energy
Merlot will often keep to herself until I am busy with a client and giving a healing session. She is amazing to watch. She usually comes in and depending on the person, will stay for verying length of time. She will usually always jump up on the table, if the client is OK with this of course. She seems to sense this though and will not come to the clients who are not willing to receive.
The healing abilities of animals have been foretold since forever. Merlot just is healing. She follows the energy, gives and receives. There is no ego involved and no mulling over what it is to be a healer. She comes in, contributes, receives and off she goes. I have felt and seen how human bodies experience healing because of her simple presence. She just IS 100% Being. It is most beautiful to behold.
Lesson: Follow the energy. Energy never lies
I could go on and on, but this is a blog site, not a book. So I will stop here for now. I know that through this blog, beautiful Merlot will be contributing to you too. She is a crazy cat and I am a crazy lady, so we make a fine pair. 🙂 For however long she chooses to be with me, I rejoice and am honoured and blessed.
With gratitude for all the amazing pets and animals out there that contribute to us and the planet. Continue to take care of each other. How did we get so lucky?
To you all, sending Light and Love.
Founder and Well-Being Facilitator at BE YU Well-Being
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=beyuwebe-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=B004EBT5CU&fc1=000000&IS2=1<1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr Was sitting sipping a delicious Soy Milk Coffee when I picked up a magazine and read this profound statement made by the beautiful smooth operator Sade. “Sadness dealt with well brings happiness. It purges you and enables you to leave it behind.” I was struck by the wisdom and compassion of these words. It made me aware of how much non-dealing I have done most of my life. For some strange reason, I thought that resistance would get me where I wanted to go. If I resisted sadness, anger, hatred, love, happiness, joy and so many other emotions, then I would finally get there. But where was I getting too? By not dealing with issues, they persisted and could not be purged and left behind.There is such a relief in finally surrendering and allowing that which is, to be, for in my honouring of what is, I become more of me. For all those moments of sadness, anger, hatred, love, happiness, joy and so many other emotions are a part of me and me a part of them. What else is possible?