What’s the value of being “nice”?

What’s the value of being “nice”?

Everywhere you are being “nice” in your life, would you like to give that up now please? I can’t hear you, so I am just going to assume that you chose to say “yes”. If you did not, well then the rest of this blog will probably not be of interest to you.

It was recently brought home to me that my whole life I have been striving to be nice. Of course underlying this was the fear of rejection and not being good enough. I have bent, twisted, contorted, deformed myself in so many ways to try and please others and to be nice, so that I would be ……….. accepted and acceptable. Well, not only did all those contortions bring me aches and pains, however they left me in a state of disrepair and disconnection with myself.  I thought that if I could be nice enough to everyone then, I would be acceptable and ultimately loved and lovable. For me, NICE meant – Not into Conflicting Energy.

I spent many years of my life confused as to why despite my niceness, people still did not respond or treat me like I wanted them to. Nothing manipulative in that train of thought now is there? So, not so nice after all 🙂
A while ago whilst listening to a talk, the speaker mentioned volcanoes and how volcanoes are the only way in which new earth mass is created. Now there is enormous conflicting energy when a volcano erupts, as the very layers of the earth are melted and ejected through the earth crust. And this gives rise to new territory. How many people shy away from conflict because it gives rise to confrontation and haven’t most of us been taught that that is not very nice!

An empath, I feel conflicting energies very keenly and this has caused me much confusion until recently. I thought, that if I was nice and people responded in an un-nice way, well then I was the root of all evil and it was my fault. I would try even harder to be nice to them and ostracise myself at the same time for not being “good enough”. I took the notion of responsability to the extreme, where my 50% of the interaction equalled 100%. STOP! This was brought home to me recently in a way that I really got it. (That’s why I am writing this blog). Whilst being polite and respectful whilst in a training situation, I observed that my questioning was being regarded as a sign of “stupidity”. Now that’s not nice. So what could I do to change this?

Well, I am happy to say, that I have chosen to exacerbate the situation even more by being me – that includes the good, the bad and the ugly. I am going to be so irritating with my questions and feed the idea that I am stupid. I actually find it extremely humourous! Why? I for some strange reason jumped to the assumption that people actually are interested in connecting with others and getting to know them, that a supervisor really wants to support and build up others, to find fulfilment in their own daily lives, and that others’ aim in life is to be nice. Isn’t that NICE?! All that is nice about it, is that it made a not so nice ass out of me. I assumed that everyone else was like me and wanted what I did. Oops. The only one like me is ………… me.  So what to do?

Happily, I finally grew tired enough of wanting to please everyone and have handed back others their 50%. People are choosing to be what they are. Nothing I do or say can change that. All I know is that I have to live my life for me. Each Soul does not actually care whether the personality is a nice or   not nice one. Did Hitler’s Soul judge him? I doubt it. For the Soul everything is simply an experience of being. How are we to understand cruelty and murder and genocide if we do not go there? Yet our personality likes to pretend and judge and well, as far as I am concerned gets us in a not so nice mess. I am not condoning certain behaviour more than any other and can only add the reminder that when we point the finger, there are more fingers pointing back at us.

There is no way that I can ever please everyone. I am lucky if I manage to please even 5% of the people that I interact with in my life time – and yes this does include family members 🙂 How can I not be disliked and rejected?  The odds are stacked up against me regardless, or are they? What if I can find freedom within these odds? If the odds of my pleasing others is so low, well this gives me the freedom to do and be who I like, simple because I will never please sufficient numbers anyway and hell, I might as well be getting what I desire out of my life whilst I am living it, no?!  Today, NICE means Now In Concious Expansion. What others think of me, is none of my business and whether I am included or excluded matters not, because I always will be in the best of company, if I choose it now – my own. I Am everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. I Am the Enlightenment that I Am.

I Am Now in Conscious Expansion. For those of you who wish to journey beside me – welcome and fasten your seat belt. As for the rest, enjoy your expansion.

All I know is, that’s the way this NICE cooky crumbles …………….

With gratitude and light.



Everything I needed to know, I learned from Merlot!

Everything I needed to know, I learned from Merlot!

Now, before you think that I have a drinking problem, Merlot is a beautiful black soft silky smooth female cat and not a bottle of great tasting red wine. We adopted each other a few months ago and I knew at the time that she would have a big impact on my life. It had been over 2 decades since I had shared my life with a feline personality and it has admittedly taken me a few weeks to learn and re-familiarise myself with some of their amazing and unique peculiarities. For indeed, they are a personality – as any cat lover will tell you.  Cats are after all, renowned for their particularities. And yes, either you love them or you don’t.

So what has Merlot taught me.

1. Cats are not dogs

Well, yes I may be stating the obvious here, however, there is quite a distinctive difference. After all, the generalism is that dogs are givers and cats are receivers. So yes, I do get a bit peeved when I feel like a cuddle session and well, it is just not on Miss Merlot’s agenda. Admittedly, she is really patient with the crazy lady (that’s me by the way :-}) who picks her up far more than necessary for cuddles.  Her body language is quite distinctive though about whether she is up for a cuddle session or not. Trying to cuddle a squirming and clawing bundle of fur is a challenge in itself.

Lesson: Everyone is unique and different

2. Just sleep until something really interesting comes along

Now Merlot is quite a house cat and she does love company. She is thrilled when I get visitors, so that she gets to see faces other than my own. Although when they arrive she does this bizarre disappearing act, only to appear ten minutes later with the air of just having stepped out of a limousine. Don’t you just love how cats can pull that off?

Used to having male cats earlier in life, who were more out of the house than in, Merlot hangs around a lot. And what does she do – well sleeps of course. I am amazed at how she will just settle down anywhere – along a wall, in the middle of the floor, on top of a cupboard, behind a curtain – and just sleep. The sleeping positions are a wonder to behold – from fully extended in a stretch, relaxingly contorted in some corner, hiding in the closet, to curling up in a seemingly impossible tight ball. Of course, all this relaxed lethargy vanishes within seconds when something esteemed interesting happens and she is off in a flash. No warm up required there.

Lesson: Rest is important and there is very little in life that is actually worth losing sleep over. So relax!

3. Be Self-ish

Cats are renowned for their particular presence and Merlot is no exception.  She is the centre of the Universe, at least her own and she just expects everyone else to know this. She does not doubt herself or second-guess herself or do any profound soul searching. Just just is. If she’s in a grumpy mood, she’s grumpy. If she wants some quite time, she will find a quite spot. If she wants to eat, she will find food or make sure that her food provider (that’s me usually ;-}) takes care of things. When she wants to cuddle, she comes to cuddle.

I just get such pleasure from observing her and she has certainly contributed to me relaxing more and just going with the flow.

In our society, we have been brainwashed into thinking that doing what we truly feel like doing, is being selfish and that this is a bad thing. I watch Merlot and am filled with admiration at just how truly being selfish actually uncomplicates things and allows others to be themselves. That’s of course if one can get past the judgments and conditioning and takes responsibility for one’s behaviour and attitude.

Lesson: Be you and change the world.

4. Don’t sweat the small stuff

Yes, Merlot does get up to cat things – like sharpening her claws on my mattress base and on my beautiful carpets – in spite of the fact that she has a few trees outside and her tree inside on which to practise this. She will jump up to places that are not where I wish to find her and has turned that soft paw come sharp clawed weapon on me, just because she felt it was appropriate without even offering an explanation, I might add. So yes, I have growled at her (not like a dog though, at least not yet) and she has taken off at high speed, just because she can.

What I love about her – she doesn’t hold a grudge. Now I can hear you males out there sighing in understanding and longing, because well let’s face it that’s what females do – and they are often quite good at it, n’est pas? Well, as a female myself, I can vouch for the weightiness of holding and bearing grudges. There comes a point where it does just get all so heavy. So Merlot is like a breath of fresh air, as she will often turn up a few minutes later and be so totally over it. Her only concern – what’s next. It’s truly delightfully liberating.

Lesson: Don’t sulk and hold a grudge. Life is too short.

5. The healing power of touch

Since having Merlot in my life, my awareness of what this means has taken on a new and whole different dimension. I have always loved the contact of touch – probably why I so enjoy giving massage. There is a beauty to the moments though, when Merlot comes for her cuddle session. When listening to Dee Wallace’s I Am talks, she has often used the example of thinking of one’s child or pet, to reconnect us with a sense of total gratitude. I really get this when I cuddle Merlot. It is as if we melt into each other and I feel my heart chakra fill up and overflow. And Merlot just receives and in her receiving, she allows and honours my gifting to her. These are moments of pure unconditional being.

There is something so soothing, comforting and grace-filled that occurs when I touch her beautiful soft silky fur. When I touch her, I am touched and moved within my Being.

Lesson: Giving (or gifting) is receiving and receiving is giving

6. Communication is beyond words

Merlot, is a real talker. She will miaow for this and that and sometimes just for nothing really. Whilst sometimes, I get what she is saying, there are moments where, well, she is just expressing herself. She will just look at me with those big green eyes of her’s, with such intensity, that I know she is sharing something big. Of course, most of the time, I have no idea what she is going on about.  But, is it really so important that I understand her, or is it more important just to listen to her? After all, are cat’s that much different to people, in that we sometimes just desire to share something with another?

And then of course there is the body language. Well, I find Merlot has the most fascinating tail. It really is like a receptor. And it is seldom still. I think with her, the code book for what tail movement actually mean according to humans can be thrown out the window. She has a tail language all of her own and she changes it as the days goes along. Even sometimes when asleep, the tip of the tail is still moving. Perhaps she was a dog in a past life? MMMMmmmmhhhhhh.

Lesson: Communicate in your own unique way and just know that those who are looking for what you have to say, will hear. People do truly hear what they want to. Mia culpa.

7. I Am that I Am

All animals are beautiful and grace us with their particular uniqueness. However, I do believe that cats personify this so wonderfully for us humans. It is no wonder that the ancient Egyptians worshipped them as gods, for their is something very regal in their bearing is there not? Even when they are acting like crazy, hissing, spitting, furballs of clawed energy. I think cats just do everything with flair. They act like the world revovles around them and so of course it does. They are such great examples of creating your reality and then know what you asked for is done.

I know that for me, Merlot has taught me so much already and continues to contribute to my life everyday. She is often a reflector of me and when I look at her, I can read what kind of vibration I am giving off. She provides me with companionship simply by being around and with her presence.

Lesson: I Am Perfect just the way I Am and so is everybody else

8. Energy follows energy

Merlot will often keep to herself until I am busy with a client and giving a healing session. She is amazing to watch. She usually comes in and depending on the person, will stay for verying length of time. She will usually always jump up on the table, if the client is OK with this of course. She seems to sense this though and will not come to the clients who are not willing to receive.

The healing abilities of animals have been foretold since forever. Merlot just is healing. She follows the energy, gives and receives. There is no ego involved and no mulling over what it is to be a healer. She comes in, contributes, receives and off she goes. I have felt and seen how human bodies experience healing because of her simple presence. She just IS 100% Being. It is most beautiful to behold.

Lesson:  Follow the energy. Energy never lies

I could go on and on, but this is a blog site, not a book. So I will stop here for now. I know that through this blog, beautiful Merlot will be contributing to you too. She is a crazy cat and I am a crazy lady, so we make a fine pair. 🙂 For however long she chooses to be with me, I rejoice and am honoured and blessed.

With gratitude for all the amazing pets and animals out there that contribute to us and the planet. Continue to take care of each other. How did we get so lucky?

To you all, sending Light and Love.


Founder and Well-Being Facilitator at BE YU Well-Being