What’s the value of being “nice”?
Everywhere you are being “nice” in your life, would you like to give that up now please? I can’t hear you, so I am just going to assume that you chose to say “yes”. If you did not, well then the rest of this blog will probably not be of interest to you.
It was recently brought home to me that my whole life I have been striving to be nice. Of course underlying this was the fear of rejection and not being good enough. I have bent, twisted, contorted, deformed myself in so many ways to try and please others and to be nice, so that I would be ……….. accepted and acceptable. Well, not only did all those contortions bring me aches and pains, however they left me in a state of disrepair and disconnection with myself. I thought that if I could be nice enough to everyone then, I would be acceptable and ultimately loved and lovable. For me, NICE meant – Not into Conflicting Energy.
I spent many years of my life confused as to why despite my niceness, people still did not respond or treat me like I wanted them to. Nothing manipulative in that train of thought now is there? So, not so nice after all 🙂
A while ago whilst listening to a talk, the speaker mentioned volcanoes and how volcanoes are the only way in which new earth mass is created. Now there is enormous conflicting energy when a volcano erupts, as the very layers of the earth are melted and ejected through the earth crust. And this gives rise to new territory. How many people shy away from conflict because it gives rise to confrontation and haven’t most of us been taught that that is not very nice!
An empath, I feel conflicting energies very keenly and this has caused me much confusion until recently. I thought, that if I was nice and people responded in an un-nice way, well then I was the root of all evil and it was my fault. I would try even harder to be nice to them and ostracise myself at the same time for not being “good enough”. I took the notion of responsability to the extreme, where my 50% of the interaction equalled 100%. STOP! This was brought home to me recently in a way that I really got it. (That’s why I am writing this blog). Whilst being polite and respectful whilst in a training situation, I observed that my questioning was being regarded as a sign of “stupidity”. Now that’s not nice. So what could I do to change this?
Well, I am happy to say, that I have chosen to exacerbate the situation even more by being me – that includes the good, the bad and the ugly. I am going to be so irritating with my questions and feed the idea that I am stupid. I actually find it extremely humourous! Why? I for some strange reason jumped to the assumption that people actually are interested in connecting with others and getting to know them, that a supervisor really wants to support and build up others, to find fulfilment in their own daily lives, and that others’ aim in life is to be nice. Isn’t that NICE?! All that is nice about it, is that it made a not so nice ass out of me. I assumed that everyone else was like me and wanted what I did. Oops. The only one like me is ………… me. So what to do?
Happily, I finally grew tired enough of wanting to please everyone and have handed back others their 50%. People are choosing to be what they are. Nothing I do or say can change that. All I know is that I have to live my life for me. Each Soul does not actually care whether the personality is a nice or not nice one. Did Hitler’s Soul judge him? I doubt it. For the Soul everything is simply an experience of being. How are we to understand cruelty and murder and genocide if we do not go there? Yet our personality likes to pretend and judge and well, as far as I am concerned gets us in a not so nice mess. I am not condoning certain behaviour more than any other and can only add the reminder that when we point the finger, there are more fingers pointing back at us.
There is no way that I can ever please everyone. I am lucky if I manage to please even 5% of the people that I interact with in my life time – and yes this does include family members 🙂 How can I not be disliked and rejected? The odds are stacked up against me regardless, or are they? What if I can find freedom within these odds? If the odds of my pleasing others is so low, well this gives me the freedom to do and be who I like, simple because I will never please sufficient numbers anyway and hell, I might as well be getting what I desire out of my life whilst I am living it, no?! Today, NICE means Now In Concious Expansion. What others think of me, is none of my business and whether I am included or excluded matters not, because I always will be in the best of company, if I choose it now – my own. I Am everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. I Am the Enlightenment that I Am.
I Am Now in Conscious Expansion. For those of you who wish to journey beside me – welcome and fasten your seat belt. As for the rest, enjoy your expansion.
All I know is, that’s the way this NICE cooky crumbles …………….
With gratitude and light.